While attending friends'
child’s college graduation event recently, the temperature soars to
uncomfortable levels. The ceremony drags
slightly long, but not terribly; it is, after all, a graduation. After the serious festivities are done, the
fun festivities start: a reception back at the student center.
We are hot; we are
thirsty; we are hungry.
Across the lawn and
adorning the multiple tables are cut watermelon bowls full of fresh fruit.
Watermelon.
The child's mom and I look
at each other. Finally, something other
than the peanuts, pastry crisps, and crackers we managed to locate in the
student center bookstore. Neither one of
us can wait to get some of that succulent watermelon on to our plates.
Until we approach the
tables.
Although each table boasts
the freshly carved melon container, there is not one shred of watermelon anywhere
to be seen amongst the fruit spreads adorning the reception. Not. One. Chunk.
What the hell, man.
Seriously. What the hell.
We stock up our small
plates with other fruit: strawberries, pineapple, grapes, and there appears to
be cantaloupe and honeydew for those who imbibe, but I draw the line at both of
those melons. I want watermelon, damnit,
and I want it right now. I am the Veruca
Salt of watermelon.
Alas, the pink-red fruit
is nowhere to be found. Two days later
when I finally make it to the grocery store, I throw watermelon into my
carriage. Once I am home, it doesn’t
last long, and I scarf down the equivalent of three thick slices in under an
hour sitting at the kitchen table pretending to do work, a.k.a. watch television.
But … let’s be
honest. If one is going to put out
freshly carved watermelon bowls, shouldn’t one’s guests assume that the cut
fruit has to actually go
somewhere? All these cut-open
watermelons, and yet not a single shard of watermelon exists anywhere on these
school grounds.
While shopping for myself,
I do not buy the watermelon simply because I am craving it , but more because I have
to restore the tenuous balance between reality and logic. If
there be watermelon bowls, there must be watermelon.
