I wake up this morning,
which is the first good thing about today, and I am feeling almost human, which
is the second good thing about today. I
decide that today is the day! Yup, I’ve
been watching television; I’ve clicked on the apps; I pressed that cloud
picture on my cell phone. I know what’s
coming this week.
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| (Not my house - just a stolen pic.) |
Today is the day I haul
the air conditioners up from the basement.
I could wait for my son to
get home from his weekend away and say, “Son, since you had a weekend away and
I have been close to death warmed over, bring up the damn air conditioners from
the basement,” and, of course, he would do it.
But I have been flat on my ass and completely wiped out since last
Thursday. If I don’t do something to
prove that I am still able to take care of myself, then I might as well go live
in a home.
So, I get myself all
geared up. This means sneakers (in case
I drop the units on my feet), leather gloves to grip the sharp sides without
killing my hands and fingers, and three beach towels (one for each air
conditioner) to slide them across the floors and into place after hauling them
up the stairs. It’s a very effective
system, just so you know, and I have perfected it over a number of years.
Once I get each air
conditioner to the base of the staircase, I don’t bother with the
lift-and-carry. Too dangerous for
me. My center of gravity is pretty low
being a short gal. Instead, I take my
gloved hands, turn each unit onto its back (as it were), and use the sliding
sides to lift and go up one riser. Then
lift and go up one riser. Then lift and
go up one riser. This is how I get them
up, and then I casually slide them onto towels, and from there a drag them
around by pulling on the edge of the towel.
You know, much like
dragging a body all by myself and deep into the woods. Uh … Not that I’ve tried that … recently … or
anything.
I used to put the a/c
units into the windows by myself years ago, but I don’t do that anymore. This is the one thing that I make someone
else help with because I am terrified of dropping the unit out the window
before it is properly secured. This is
where my son (or other family member if anyone is around) gets to be my
helper.
Once secure in the
windows, out comes the duct tape.
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| (Not my duct tape, either.) |
That’s right, you read
that correctly. Duct tape.
The accordion curtains on
either side of each air conditioner have all split at the edges. Sure, I could replace them, but why? I mean, the air conditioners work fine, and
the replacement parts will certainly be more expensive than duct tape. Besides, I bought white duct tape this time,
so it’ll blend in better than the traditional glaring silver.
This whole process takes
about thirty minutes from start to finish – hauling them up, cleaning each
filter, installing them in the windows, duct taping the sides, and plugging
them in. Of course, I take many breaks
in between each step, so it actually takes hours, but, truthfully, the
methodology is down to a thirty minute science.
I’m ready, Weather
gods. I hear tomorrow you’re gonna hit
me with a real Boston Sizzlah. Bring it
on! I have duct tape, and I know how to
use it!
