BRING IT

Well, it’s winter up here in the Northeast. Or, should I say, “Up heeyah.”

We can tell because our skin hurts, our ears become numb in nanoseconds, snot freezes instantly in our nostrils, and every finger has split at a different joint at least once, flinging blood in any direction it so pleases to fly.

Ah, winter.

The downside is that we are in a serious cold spell right now. The other day we had wind-chill feel-like temperatures averaging -20 degrees. Going outside is physically painful and the heating bills are quadrupling right now.

The upside, however, is that the cold air creates the perfect conditions for a Nor’easter. Monday and Tuesday it appears that the southwest regions will be sending us some moisture. This is fabulous news because it means that we are going to get snow.

That’s right: SNOW; the four-letter word that so many of you detest.

This is where I am totally confused. Unless you live with your parents and are underage, you are not forced to stay here. If you don’t like snow, MOVE. I hate listening to the weather people, the newscasters, and a large portion of the population north of the Mason-Dixon Line all bellyaching about snow.

People! That’s what we do here. It’s why we live here. It snows.  It either falls softly and quietly like it did last week, or it belts the shitolsky out of us and holws and screeches and blasts the electricity to oblivion, in which case we may all freeze to death because it’s so freaking cold out, but that’s the fun of the gamble. 

Every snow storm should come with Clint Eastwood aiming a giant snow machine at us while he says through clenched teeth, “Do you feel lucky, punks? Well? Do ya?”

I feel lucky. Bring it.

MEME MANIA 01-24-2021

 Not going to lie: I am loving this Bernie Sanders meme mania. I’m not even going to write a post this week. I’m just going to share my favorite Bernie memes. Just when I think I’ve seen the best one yet, another “best one yet” comes out. Enjoy!

Thanks for entertaining us all, Bernie! May you live in Cyber-Land forever!

A PLATFORM IN WHICH I CAN BELIEVE

I have been trying to stay out of the political fray.  I am an unenrolled voter and usually get antsy-in-my-pantsy when the Primary rolls around and I must choose one ticket over the other. I have a long history of veering from the two-party system because I personally don’t believe in it.

Please re-read that; I support people and candidates and voters and the concept, but I don’t support the system.

There are many things I don’t understand.

I don’t understand how the violence on either side can be condoned. I don’t understand how Ginsberg broke the glass ceiling but O’Connor didn’t. I don’t understand why Trump is a criminal but H. Clinton walks free. I don’t understand why Democrats only recognize Democrats’ accomplishments and Republicans only recognize Republicans’ accomplishments. I don’t understand why anyone gives a damn who stands and who doesn’t for the pledge or the national anthem.

By the way, I don’t think poorly of you if you fail to put your hand over your heart during the playing of “Taps” nor if you refrain from standing for Handel’s “Hallelujah” chorus, but you damn well better not judge me for following these formalities as I so please.

There are so many other things that I just don’t understand and, quite frankly, I am weary of arguing about them, hearing about them, and reading about them. Think as you please! Speak as you please! It’s your right. I just want you to know (in case you remotely consider starting such a conversation on this post) that I’m not engaging in it because I don’t believe there are only two colors in the Crayola box on any issue.

Here is what does get my goat.

The other day during a relatively civil political discussion on a friend’s social media post, someone I know personally and grew up with actually told several people I also know and grew up with to SHUT UP. Yes, you read that correctly. He cyber-yelled at several people he’s known most of his life: SHUT UP.

I had no intention of posting anything at all because, with my indecisive and fluid opinions, I had nothing to contribute to either side. However, anyone who knows me well will understand that my fingers have minds of their own. I did respond, and my response was typical teacher: “What are you … 3? Grow a set and apologize.”

You see, this is exactly why I cannot be trusted to weigh in on anything. It’s exactly why I left the journalism program in college. It’s exactly why I have a very tiny circle of friends and a very large circle of acquaintances. I have low tolerance for tunnel-vision of any kind. I understand that your idea of partly cloudy is my idea of party sunny. I understand that your sadness of a movie being half over is my excitement of there still being half of the movie left to enjoy. I understand that your pessimism is completely and totally freaked out by my optimism.

But I’ll be goddamned dead before I listen to, give air-time to, or speak with anyone who lacks the civility and social graces it takes to be an adult, and who tells someone else to SHUT UP because that other person has an idea or an opinion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a hot mic recently and under my breath (but through the mic) may have suggested that someone “shut up,” but, to be fair, that person constantly comes to meetings she has no business being at and does nothing but criticize all of us with impunity. I’ll bet there are ten people from those meetings who would pay me to say it again with more gusto.  However, I really did regret that my mic was hot, and I am relieved to admit I was far enough away from said mic that no one caught it. I did, though. I did.

In the political dialogue, or in any dialogue, for that matter, don’t ever say “SHUT UP” to shut down the conversation unless you truly have a leg to stand on and are willing to listen and educate both your audience and yourself as necessary. Don’t ever think your words won’t affect others or reflect back on yourself. You will just prove yourself to be an asshole.

For once I can actually THANK politics for providing me a platform in which I can believe.

PUZZLING DAYS

I have a small patio table that I bring inside for the winter. I want to use it for a puzzle table, but there’s a problem: there’s an umbrella hole in the middle of it. Not only is it a hole, but there is a metal lip around it as reinforcement.

Conundrum: How to adequately cover the center hole and still be able to use this as a puzzle table.

I start with cardboard. Unfortunately, the cardboard won’t sit flat enough to put a puzzle together on it. Then I think of a piece of wood, but that requires a trip to either a lumber yard or home depot. Besides, I don’t need one more thing in the house that will be hard to store, like a larger rectangle of plywood.

A friend and I are in The Dollar Store recently. I could buy a zillion things, but there’s nothing I need, so I hang near out in the entry vestibule while she is in line to check out. All of a sudden, a woman exits with three pieces of foam core. That’s right: foam core, big rectangles of lightweight but sturdy white foam with heavy paper on each side.

I rush back into the store where I see a man with two more pieces of foam core.  Where is it, I ask desperately, now believing that the woman and this guy are hoarding my coveted prize.  The gentleman sees mania in my eyes and walks me over three aisles to a huge supply of foam core, each piece only one dollar because, hey, this is The Dollar Store. I grab two pieces of foam core, about 24x36, and get into line.

I am pleased to report that the foam core works, the hole in the patio table is no match for my brilliance, and I have recently completed not one but two different puzzles, successfully connected on one of the pieces of foam core. Success! All for two measly dollars. Life is good!

Dateline 2021: January 1^st, Happy New Year

I start 2021 by missing the ball drop. Yup. I am doing some research (exciting, right?) and miss the yearly event by ten whole seconds. Ooops.

So, this is how it’s going to be, 2021.

I stay up until about 1:00 a.m., sleep until 7:00, get up, open the blinds, shut off the night and outside lights, and promptly go back to bed. I sleep another two hours and stay in bed another hour after that catching up on games and emails and social media on my cell phone..

Kiss off, 2021; you’re going to be a carbon copy of your predecessor. Or worse.

I know everyone wishes this to be a better year. I just don’t see it. There’s a predicted snow and ice storm for later in the day, one that has a potential to turn into a multi-day event when a second system pops through. The weather report says “slick travel,” which looks more like “SUCK TRAVEL” and is probably more accurate and more appropriate to describe the upcoming year.

Yup, no going anywhere, folks: SUCK travel.

I’m going to pretend I’m ready, though. So far, in addition to missing the official ball drop and retreating back to bed to pretend 2021 doesn’t exist, I have also chased down a couple of random flies with my handy-dandy fly-swatter (this is what happens when the weather just won’t stay consistently cold), examined my new Bob Ross sticky notes, watched some of the original Godzilla from 1956 (which is how I started this whole pandemic back in the spring, addicted to SyFy and Comet TV), and had lovely tea in my “Go fuck yourself” mug.

Go ahead, though. I’ll try not to spoil it for you. Go ahead and pretend and believe that 2021 will be better. I mean, 2020 wasn’t so bad, other than the pandemic. And the election. And the hybrid school model. And the toilet paper hoarding. And the wild fires. And the earthquakes. And the Boston sports teams imploding.

Okay, fuck it. Maybe I’ll just go back to bed until the next Times Square ball drop. I’m ready. I have 364 more days to prep.