I have extremely dry skin, and it was always the joke when I played judo because I'd have to put lotion on my feet before stepping onto the mat. If I didn't, I'd slip all over the place like I was wearing ice skates. Today this comes back to haunt me as my super-slippery, extremely dehydrated feet slip completely off the stairs as I am racing down them at a bleary hour of the morning. All of a sudden I am careening down the stairs in midair.
This is where my judo training should kick in. A well-trained judoka knows damn well the LAST thing you put down during a fall is your arm, especially your dominant arm. However, it has been a long time (over ten years) since I've been on the mat. I had major foot surgery (resulting from a very old soccer injury) and will never be able to risk having my foot caught in a sweep ever again. After all this time away, I don't react like someone with training in how to fall safely; I react like a middle-aged woman in the middle of a prat-fall gone freakishly wrong.
So, the arm goes out, my dominant arm, flailing madly into space and banging uselessly off riser after riser as I ping off stair after stair. I twist my wrist, whack my elbow multiple times, and pop my shoulder out of the socket. The most amazing and humiliating part of it all is that the arm I am swinging around? NOT the arm on the side with the handrail.
Seriously. Shouldn't my FIRST line of defense be the HANDRAIL?!
Speaking of firsts, this is not the first time I have popped my right shoulder out, and it's only partially out, not completely out. Anyone who has ever popped a shoulder knows exactly what I'm going to say next: I pop my shoulder back into place using my opposite hand and the edge of a wall. It sounds horrible and somewhat masochistic, but the pain of a semi-popped shoulder far outweighs the momentary horror of putting it back the way it belongs, and this is not my first ride on the "repair it yourself" rodeo.
I admit, though, that I will be holding that handrail EVERY time I'm on the stairs now. I'm old, folks. I'm damn lucky I didn't break a hip and end up wailing, "I've fallen, and I can't get up!"
