Monday, March 6, 2017

NOTHING PERSONAL, WINTER

Dear Winter:

When I suggested that maybe you should return, I wasn't really specific enough.

For example, I'd like to see a little more snow, maybe 4 inches of it, so I can snowshoe one more time this season.  Please, though, please do not snow when I am trying to get on a plane and fly to North Carolina.  That will just piss me off, and it will defeat the purpose of snowshoeing if I am out of the region.

Another thing, Winter.  When I said that the temperature being in the 70s in February wasn't my favorite thing, I didn't mean to imply that it should be 74 degrees one day and 3 with a windchill of -17 a couple of days later.  That's just stupid talk, Winter.  I never said that.  I never implied it, so stop being a shit head and turn the temperature back up to normal limits.

Lastly, these terrible thunderstorms spawning tornadoes in New England in February.  What the hell is that all about?  You'd better not pull that shit in March.  Our spring athletes are outside starting now, and, even though they're freezing their asses off, let's not strike them dead with electricity in the meantime, if you please.

To be fair, Winter, you're right; I wasn't specific when I started asking around, "Where is Winter?  Have you seen Winter?  Is Winter on vacation?  When is Winter expected to return to town?"  It's my own damn fault.  But, please.  Either be windy or be subzero.  Try not to be both at once.  Just try.  You might find out that people actually enjoy you more if you make March just a little more approachable.

I'm just saying.  Just a thought.  Nothing personal.