Thursday, March 9, 2017

BITING MY TONGUE . . . FOR REAL

I have the strangest dreams. Sometimes I remember them and sometimes not.  Two nights ago, though, I must've had a doozey because when I woke up in the morning, I had bitten my tongue on the back left side.  Actually, I did more than bite it.  I mangled it so badly that my tongue has been swollen in that area ever since.

Of course, it is remarkably painful, as well.  It stings to swallow, and it is incredibly difficult to chew lest I bite my tongue again . . . you know, because it's swollen on that side a little bit.  Just enough to get in my way.  Just enough to affect my eating habits.

Oh, and, of course, my somewhat-swollen tongue is interfering with my ability to speak.  I know, I know.  Yay for the rest of civilization!  I can't speak clearly!  However, I make my living via public speaking of sorts in a grade seven classroom.  The results have been comical.

Today, for example, I keep trying to spit out the words "evacuation" and "excavation."  Go ahead.  Say them out loud.  Notice how your tongue naturally tilts back when you get to the letter c in both words.  My injured tongue won't do that.  I cannot form the words with any semblance of coherence.

By the fourth class of the day and after I attempt to eat some lunch (unsuccessfully), my tongue expires in its effectiveness.  I try the words, and try again, and try a third time.  Finally, I stick my tongue out a little and make a giant raspberry sound.  Yup, that's as good as it will get today.  "Whatever," I say a bit awkwardly.  "You know what I mean."

I don't know how tomorrow will go, but I might rearrange my lesson plans to do a little less speaking.  What will truly help, though, is if I have restful sleep tonight and do not wake up after maiming myself overnight.  I'm just saying . . . as best as my tongue will allow.