All this hoopla about healthy food choices for school
lunches is starting to irk me.
First of all, school lunches are supposed to be gross. The mashed potatoes are supposed to mimic
paste, and the hot dogs are supposed to bounce.
Anyone who doesn't know this from direct experience either never honestly
purchased a school lunch or is obviously unclear on the concept.
The problem, according to the government do-gooders, is that
our children are getting too "sedentary." For those of you who are not fluent in
Double-Speak-ese, "Your kids are fat lard-butts." Someone on Capitol Hill believes that serving
our children more leafy lettuce and stewed prunes will make them healthy when in
actuality it will simply make them regular.
There is a VERY simple solution to this problem, and it
isn't about the food. It's called:
RECESS.
We used to get three recesses in elementary school -- 15 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes after lunch, and 15 minutes in the afternoon. That was an hour of outdoor time every day unless it was subzero, and, even then in New Hampshire, if you didn't know how to dress for the weather, you damn well better know how to run and stay warm. Elementary school recess is now once a day, and it has morphed into a huge security fiasco: No Dodgeball (Louie cries when he isn't picked for the team and Jenny has a huge bruise oh her arm from missing the incoming ball), no Red Rover (compound fractures on the playground are discouraged), no jump ropes ("This isn't a whip, young man! Wait … no… NO! Untie me, you little shit!"), no climbing the Jungle Gym (it's really just a separated shoulder waiting to happen), no relay races (everybody's a winner; everybody gets a trophy).
In middle school, kids don't get recess anymore, and they are never moving unless it's an occasional phys-ed class, which may occur once or twice a week in a term-long rotation. High school students have self-made recess; it's called "going out to the woods to smoke dope during study hall." (Okay, maybe they don't have that one anymore, but they did when I was in high school.)
We used to get three recesses in elementary school -- 15 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes after lunch, and 15 minutes in the afternoon. That was an hour of outdoor time every day unless it was subzero, and, even then in New Hampshire, if you didn't know how to dress for the weather, you damn well better know how to run and stay warm. Elementary school recess is now once a day, and it has morphed into a huge security fiasco: No Dodgeball (Louie cries when he isn't picked for the team and Jenny has a huge bruise oh her arm from missing the incoming ball), no Red Rover (compound fractures on the playground are discouraged), no jump ropes ("This isn't a whip, young man! Wait … no… NO! Untie me, you little shit!"), no climbing the Jungle Gym (it's really just a separated shoulder waiting to happen), no relay races (everybody's a winner; everybody gets a trophy).
In middle school, kids don't get recess anymore, and they are never moving unless it's an occasional phys-ed class, which may occur once or twice a week in a term-long rotation. High school students have self-made recess; it's called "going out to the woods to smoke dope during study hall." (Okay, maybe they don't have that one anymore, but they did when I was in high school.)
Kids should be required to play or just to go outside every day for at least an hour, even if they choose to sit outside and read or stare at a wall. Get some air; get some sun; get some energy going. Eat all the carrots you want, but if you don't move around, even the carrots will make you fat. And orange. Fatty orange. Orangey fat. You'll be Garfield.
That's my Garfield Theory of Healthy School Children. I'm like the Einstein of Edibles with the Theory of Recesstivity. You're welcome.
