I’ll
admit it: I don’t like Windows 8. As a
matter of fact, I hate it. No really, I
fucking despise it.
Some
“genius” decided that we all needed Windows 8 on our desktops and laptops at
work. This would be a brilliant decision
if only we were not running on dinosaur computers. I have children younger than my work desktop.
It
now takes days (I’m not even remotely kidding you … daaaaaaaays) to get into
programs. And they’re not called
programs anymore; they’re called apps.
Dudes. These are not apps. These are programs, and it’s a word you
should learn: Program; stick with it.
The
best part about the installation of Windows 8 on our ancient technology? The red arrow. Oh, yeah, some of you know exactly what I’m
talking about – the huge red arrow the size of your palm that appears, blocking
a good eighth of the monitor screen.
The
way to get rid of it?
Touch
it.
That’s
right. Touch it.
Now,
this would be absolutely primo if, and I do mean if, we had touch screen
monitors.
But
we don’t.
It
took multiple hilariously worded but extremely pointed and hateful emails for
the tech staff to even address the situation.
I have to ask, though, whose fucking idiotic idea was it to install
touchscreen technology onto non-touchscreen technology, essentially locking
users out of the operating system?
We
have since solved the issue of the red arrow.
Someone instructed us on how to swipe it away. Meanwhile, one of the few intelligent members
of the tech crew actually agreed it should probably be shut off. To this revelation, I can only say, “Doh!”
Look,
if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. As a
matter of fact, don’t even freaking touch it.
Just because technology is new, or maybe someone in charge has an idea
that might seem new, doesn’t mean you should jump on board.
Consider
the Titanic.
Before
this is through, one of us will need a life jacket, either me or the
computer. I’ll tell you this much,
though: I do know how to swim, and I do
know how to get rid of the red arrow.
Place your bets, folks.
