Listen up, sick people: I WANT YOU STOP BREATHING RIGHT NOW.We have children who come to school sick. Worse than that, we have adults who come to work sick. Now, I am guilty of this, too. Matter of fact, I feel a cold coming on and I went to work, anyway. You know why I feel a cold coming on? Because teachers come to work sick and sit at the lunch table with us, that's why.
It's like watching measles spread through the natives after Columbus stopped by for the first time. It's like watching cholera spread amongst the Native Americans after we introduced them to Western diseases "accidentally." It's like watching the plague wipe out half of Europe off and on for a few centuries. It's like forcing sane, rational people to watch reality television non-stop for hours on end and expecting them to retain brain waves.
I have a wedding coming up this weekend, one which I must attend. "Sending regrets" is not an option since it is my daughter's wedding.
So you thoughtless people who believe that sitting at a small table in an enclosed space while spreading your evil madness and pestilence amongst us is remotely an intelligent idea, I have this bit of advice:
Stop. Stop eating with us, stop touching the door knobs, stop leaving your snot-filled tissues in the open-air bathroom trash can, stop sneezing in the hallway, stop coughing when you talk to us, stop running to the bathroom and blaming it on the coffee. Just stop.
As a matter of fact, just stop breathing ... on us. Not truly stop breathing, just not in our direction. Right now my nose feels stuffy, my throat is scratchy, my joints ache, and I was too generally uncomfy to sleep more than three fitful hours last night.
If you continue to breathe on us and at us and among us and beside us and around us, I will have to advocate for the more severe JUST STOP BREATHING mentality. If it were a zombie apocalypse we would not worry about you because you obviously have no brains to suck out and upon which to gnaw.
Cardinal rule #1 - Do NOT come to work sick. Cardinal rule #2 - If you do choose to come to work sick, YOU MUST NOT BREATHE. Ever. Never ever.
