So --- We are talking
today about this whole PhD thing. I was this close to being in a PhD program
almost two years ago. Yup, if I'd stayed
with it, I'd be Dr. Heliand very shortly. But two weeks before the program started, when
they still hadn't made a final decision on my application, I jumped ship. What's hilarious is that I returned to the
program I originally jumped ship from fifteen years before. I jumped from school A to go to school B, then years later I jumped from school B back to school A.
Yeah, there's something mentally wrong with me. That should surprise no one.
But back to this PhD thing.
Nobody calls PhD-holders "Doctor" except their snooty
colleagues and brown-nosing students. Oh,
and me, because I figure they earned it.
They're not real doctors. I mean, they don't save lives in the
traditional sense. But they certainly
are capable of finding the precise research materials to help you write a
dissertation about whatever your topic may be.
I am now two courses away from starting my capstone
project. Technically, I've already
written my first draft capstone; what the hell do you think this blog is? You are all part of my capstone
experience. However, that just seems too
damn easy. And too damn obvious. Shouldn't the objective of working with a
mentor be to drive that mentor insane?
I certainly think so.
Of course, first I have to trick a professor into
actually working with me.
It's all so much fun, too, trying to outsmart the system and
trying to find someone who hasn't been stuck working with me already. I volunteered to be the new-hire professor's
pet project. I don't even care who the
new-hire professor is; I just figured it would be baptism under fire having to
work with the likes of me. Several of my
classmates have suggested their favorite professors, one going so far as to
suggest the professor seek me out because we'd be a good match with writing
styles.
Holy crap. There are more of us nutjobs running around
loose out there? Lock up your children
folks; the world's gone to Hell in a hand basket.
Maybe I should've stayed in that PhD program. Maybe then I wouldn't be in this mess now, and
no professors would be running and hiding every time they hear I'm in the
building.
I can see it now; my new name plate says: Dr. Heliand, PhD
PhD - Professionally
High-falutin' Dumbass
I may not be able to deliver your baby, but, goddamnit, I'll
blog the shit out of the blessed event.
Okay, off to write my research paper. If I don't get the damn thing done, you
people might be stuck with me FOREVER. Run
while you still have time.
