CINCO DE MAYO Y UNO

Sure, I know yesterday was Cinco de Mayo for all you people reading this blog today.  But I'm writing it yesterday, which means it actually is Cinco de Mayo.  It's an alternate universe -- Don't even try to follow the logic.  Only Sheldon and maybe Sulu would be able to figure it out (but not Chekov because the only thing he added to the show was being able to distill vodka from space dust).

Cinco de Mayo falls right in between two Star Wars holidays, May the Fourth Be With You and Revenge of the Sixth (which, of course, is today to you readers and tomorrow to the writer ... because we can exist in duality, don't ya know).  But they're not the real Star Wars holiday as that would be May 25th here in the USA, anyway. 

But I digress.

I decide that I will truly celebrate for Cinco de Mayo.  I decide it's time to me bano, or bathe myself.  Actually, I shower, but when I look that up in the translator, it says that me doy una ducha or tomo una ducha, or worse, me ducho.  Somehow that whole image of ducha-ing anything isn't exactly where I want to go today, at least not live and on the blog.  But I really have to get cleaned up so I can go out to trivia and dinner for Cinco de Mayo.

I haven't bathed nor changed my clothes in days.  That's right, I said it ... days.  I woke up Saturday morning, rolled straight out of bed, and started working on my research paper.  The paper, though more than half done at the time, is due Monday morning by 9 a.m.  So I work on it all day long. As a matter of fact, I'm still working on it at midnight Saturday night, so I roll right back into bed around 12:30, still wearing the sweats and shirt I wore to bed the night before.  (I used deodorant - RELAX.)  When I roll out of bed on Cinco de Mayo, I am still in the same clothes in which I went to bed Friday night, have not so much as washed my face let alone my hair or body, and get right back to work on the paper.

When the last word goes onto the page, I type up the bibliography ("Works Cited") page, which I already have set up because I filed all of my research materials alphabetically for this exact purpose, and hit "print."  I start my happy dance, which really just means I stand up and stretch my legs and make sure my butt cheeks haven't seared themselves to the chair.

At this point, college boy, who came home Friday, brings down two full loads of laundry and plops them right at my feet.  It suddenly dawns on me that I am not sure what smells worse -- his dirty college clothing or my disgusting body that is still wearing Friday night's pajamas a full forty hours later (but I did use deodorant, did I mention that?).  So ... tomo un bano o una ducha or whatever ot takes to get clean.  I drain the hot water heater I shower so long.

After I finally smell and look human again, I run a few errands then come back to the house to take one final look at my paper.  Surprisingly enough, it doesn't look nor sound half bad.  Of course, it doesn't look nor sound half good, either, but that's okay.  It doesn't totally suck.  I send it out via email to the professor and call it a day.

And now ... I am starving and I am craving a drink.  That's right, I wrote that whole damn paper and spent 40 hours stinking myself out of my own home without a single drop of alcohol.  I need a margarita.  I deserve a margarita!  So folks, I'm heading to trivia where I bebo una margarita con Jose Cuervo Especial o una cerveza. 

I earned it. 

Hell, we all earned it.

Anyone within smelling distance of me this weekend earned it.

I know this is one of those Americanized Mexican holidays, but I like it just the same.  Feliz Cinco de Mayo -- or however it's said, and May the 5th be with us.

Ole!