INVASION!

THE INVASION HAS BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My house is covered with them.  My car is covered with them.  My driveway, walkway, and patio are all covered with them, and by "covered," I mean blanketed in layers.  They're everywhere!  they're taking over! 

OOOOHHHH MMMMYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDD... It's ... it's ... it's ...

MAPLE TREE WHIRLIGIG SPRING SEASON.

Now, hold off a sec.  Some of you will try and convince me that maple trees only produce and shed their seeds, or samaras, in the fall.  Well, here's what I have to say about that:  Fuck off.  No, truly, fuck off and come over here and sweep my house, patio, and driveway every day several times a day.

I spend hours upon hours and days upon days sweeping the piles of seeds and droppings from the maple trees.  Granted, in the autumn there is no tree more spectacular in color and magnificance than the maple.  Okay, the white birch comes close, but still, maple is the best.  Sugar maples are the most colorful fall trees I have ever seen. 

But, to get to that stage, they shed their seedlings twice a year.  In the fall, they're simply whirligig, miniature helicopters that float and spin and are impossible to rake or sweep.  In the spring, though, the maples shed mini-whirligigs and tons of weedy chafe.  When the combination of seedlings and brownish plant crap gets wet in spring rain, it's like bringing booger-laced cement into the house.

I will persevere, though.  I will fight this invasion until the trees have fully budded.  I will sweep on even though I am hit continuously by the little bastards falling from the trees even as I am clearing them from the patio.  Screw you, spring maples.  I am NOT Donald Sutherland, and this is NOT Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  I have two brooms, a small bristled one and a regular hard bristled outdoor broom, and I will battle you until one of us gives up.