My mind has been going in too many different directions
lately. I had a grad class last week,
and I exhausted myself trying to keep pace.
This week the final portfolio for the class is due but not until Friday. Today is Tuesday (but when you read this, it
will actually be Wednesday -- don't confuse me), and I decide after only five
scant hours of sleep that I am not getting up from the computer (except for
bathroom and kitchen needs) until the portfolio is done.
Why do I decide this?
Well, first of all, my house is a pit and I have two weeks to get it
into order. I have been working on it
piece by piece this summer, but now it's crunch time.
Secondly, I cannot go on like this anymore. I have officially lost my mind.
Last week coming home from class one day, I took two wrongs
turns, drove into my town then out again, and ended up driving in two
unnecessary circles. This all happened
Thursday -- too much on my mind and my
plate, and they both cracked a bit.
Yesterday I had three places to go: the post office to mail bills in the drive-thru
box, Staples to get new antivirus because mine expired yesterday, and to the
grocery store to get a few things, you know, like food and toilet paper --
stuff we actually need. This is less
than five miles round trip. This should
be simple. Right?
I start out walking to my car so damn proud of myself. I remember the bills, the list, my debit
card, and my keys. I get to the car and
realize I forgot my cell phone. Back
into the house I go. After a few minutes
of searching for the phone, I find it.
And we're off yet again.
I drive down the street to the post office, pull around and … promptly drive right past the post office. So I pull into the nearest lot and turn
around. I drive up to the mailbox, drop
my bills into the chute, and start going North on route 28.
This is not helpful as I need to go east on 133 to 114. I decide to go to the intersection of 28 and
133 because it's not really too far out of my way, maybe half a mile. Except that when I get there, traffic is
backed up. So I swing down a side street
by the big soccer field and loop onto route 133.
Excellent. At least
I'm headed in the right direction now.
I even remember to take the short cut at the light and cut
over to 114 right where Staples is.
Piece of cake. This is going to
be easy. All I need is the antivirus
software and I have a $5 coupon that I actually remembered to put in my
pocketbook.
I look at the antivirus I want to buy. It's only $59.99, more than I hoped but exactly
what I expected to pay. I throw in some
yellow highlighters because there's a sale and I'm good to go. Until the cashier tells me my order is more
than $80. Well, I know the highlighters
are only $2, so something is wrong here.
I go check the price while she calls over the intercom for an MOD, which
I assume is Manager On Duty and not Man Of Distinction of Mothers Of
De-Invention or Mysterious Orange Dimple.
The antivirus is actually $79.99.
Because the manager reminds me of Chuck (from the TV show) and is
super-sweet and agrees it's their mistake so he gives me $20, I don't throw a
fit. As a matter of fact, I'm too bloody
tired to throw a fit. I leave the store
happy, well, relatively happy.
I get to
the stop light and turn my car … right.
Goddamnit, I needed to go left to the grocery store. Sonofabitch.
I start yelling at myself, "Get your head in the game! Get your head in the game!" My windows are open; the traffic is
everywhere; there are people in the parking lot of the CVS I cut through to get
back to 114. All the while yelling, not
muttering and not cajoling, but berating myself like an incontinent dog,
"Get your head in the game! Get your
head in the game!"
In the evening after I have my son help me load the antivirus, it is still running hours later
doing a full scan. I finally go to bed
and set the computer to turn itself off after the scan finishes. It is 1 a.m.
I wake up at least three times and finally get up for good at 5:50, take
the trash out, and start working on my portfolio. I am going great guns by 7 a.m. At 7 p.m. I am just finishing. Twelve hours.
Twelve frikkin' straight hours, but it's done. I added pictures and loaded it up to Dropbox
in case of an emergency, even. All I
have to do is email the portfolio to the professor.
I say, all I have to do is email this puppy to the …
MOTHERFUCKER. She gave us the wrong
email address and her school account is defunct because she is done teaching
there and is moving (already moved actually) to Minnesota. My email, complete
with portfolio attachment, bounces right back to me. I email her school address anyway and ask her
to double-check her home email that she typed into our email. Must be a simple typo … if I can find her via
email to figure it all out.
Deep breaths. Deep
breaths. The portfolio is done, it is
saved on my computer, it is printed out just in case, and it has been
jettisoned to Dropbox so it's safe in Cyber Land. What else could possibly go wrong?!
Okay, who asked that question. Who is the dumb shit who asked about other
things going wrong? Floyd is back,
that's what's wrong. Floyd the Uterine
Fibroid has decided to vacation with me yet again this summer. Floyd,
baby, honey, pumpkin -- This is getting really old. Really, really old. And, come to think of it, so am I, so what the
hell is this Floyd crap? Shouldn't Floyd
be history by now?
So if anyone wants to know why at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday I am
sucking down a Margarita while still sitting at my computer, you know why. If you don't know why, then you probably
don't understand anything else I've said about wrong turns and interrupted
sleep patterns. In the scheme of things,
this is small potatoes, but I have to be honest. If I can't even trust myself to drive a few
miles for errands without getting myself lost, then I'm in some mighty deep
doo.
It's okay, though. I
already told you I've lost my mind. If
anyone happens to find it, though, make sure it turns on its GPS. I don't want it going north when it's
supposed to be coming south, turning left when it's supposed to turn right, or
driving around in circles because it's lost.
I've already done that enough.
Did I mention I took two wrong turns coming home the other
day after school and ended up missing my own town? Yup, this
is why the portfolio is done -- I'm afraid I'll lose my marbles along the way.
