Today I am driving the invisible car.
#1. I am driving
along at 35 mph, a few yards behind the car in front of me with no one behind
me. A guy in an SUV pulls out of Brechin
Terrace directly in front of me, thinks better of it, and stops halfway out. I slam on my brakes, swear my head off at him,
honk my horn, and park in front of him for about five seconds while throwing
him the bird. Asshole.
#2. A car waits until
I get up to its road (where there is a stop sign for that car) while I drive
along North Street at 45 mph. I slam on
the brakes again, and said car proceeds at a whopping 28 mph. I am driving on its bumper, speaking in
tongues and reviewing every foul word I've ever learned plus a few I haven't.
#3. Pulling into the
car dealer for an oil change, there is a huge 18-wheeler blocking the service
lot. I attempt to get around the truck,
but the driver blocks my maneuver by unloading the back of the truck using a
huge wire contraption and he leaves said contraption across what's left of the
driveway. I back up and leave my car out
front, parking it like a jerk and tossing my keys at (not to) the clerk.
#4. Pulling out of
the car dealer there is a statie parked at the on ramp for I-93 south at Pelham
Street, and everyone is driving at 55 mph. Everyone.
All three lanes. I only have to
travel a couple of exits, so I crawl home.
#5. Exiting the
highway, a blue SUV with an old fart driving it careens across lanes of traffic
to get in front of me (there's no one behind me), then proceeds to drive at 20
mph in a 30 mph speed zone, a 40 mph speed zone, and stops dead to turn into a
wide street because god forbid he actually be able to make a simple turn
without having a stroke.
#6 & #7. Driving
to BJ's in Haverhill to stock up son for college, not one but two cars pull out
directly in front of me while I am tooling along at 47 mph. The first one is a stupid bitch on her cell
phone, pulling across three lanes of traffic because she decides it isn't
necessary to stop when exiting Butcher Boy Market and pulling onto route 125. The second car does the same thing pulling out
of the flower shop, apparently pre-ordering flowers for the driver's funeral
because I nearly hit the car and send it into oncoming traffic. Son is with me and probably needs his shorts
changed at this point.
Honestly, people, it's not a small car that I drive. It's a big white blob of a car cruising along
at a decent speed. Open your frigging
eyes and pay attention. And for the love
of all things holy, get the fuck OFF your cell phone while maneuvering a
dangerous road entry.
