FIRST DAY OF SUMMER VACATION
5:15 a.m. Alarms
goes off
(Hey,
it's the first day of vacation. Might as
well get up and enjoy it!)
5:45 a.m. Dressed
and ready for the gym
(Put
out the clothes last night so I can't change my mind.)
5:55 a.m. Daughter
arrives so we can go to the gym
(We
are wearing identical color combination.
I have new running sneakers.)
6:05 a.m. Arrive
at the gym
(Daughter
forgets headphones. She will have to
talk to me instead.)
6:06 a.m. Stationary
bike 2+ miles; circuit training; lift weights
(Avoid
Smith Machine today in case I hurt myself in front of the guys.)
6:50 a.m. Stand
up from weight bench and something goes kaflooey in my right hip
(So
much for avoiding hurting myself in front of the guys.)
6:55 a.m. Attempt
to fold myself into Daughter's compact, low-to-the-ground car
(Laugh,
it's okay. It must be funny to watch.)
7:00 a.m. Attempt
to get out of Daughter's car by hanging on to the door for dear life
(Okay,
don't laugh. This part isn't funny. I actually cannot get out of the car.)
7:05 a.m. Start
swallowing Naproxen
(It's
the "other little blue pill" -- you know, the one that actually
works.)
7:30 a.m. Hobble
to the door to wish Daughter a good day at work
(She
is still laughing at me. I don't blame
her. This is sickly humorous.)
7:45 a.m. Look
up phone number for chiropractor, just in case
(Self-treat
first; Professional help second.)
7:55 a.m. Attempt
to walk off injury
(My
mantra even when I sliced my foot in half:
"Walk it off!")
8:00 a.m. Sit
on the couch and watch a repeat of NCIS
(Hip
only hurts when standing, walking, or bending … or breathing)
9:00 a.m. Attempt
to stand and walk to kitchen
(I
teeter and resemble a 3-footed armadillo tottering toward a rollover.)
9:15 a.m. Sit
at the computer
(Chair
is high enough that I can catapult myself to a standing position.)
(If
not, chair has wheels. I'll find a way
to get around.)
10:30 a.m. Make a
vanilla shake
(Pretend
I am making a breakfast shake for son but make a double batch.)
12:00 p.m. Sit at
kitchen table and eat crackers and cheese
(Watch
some HGTV because the Hernandez arrest coverage is boring.)
1:00 p.m. Stretch
hip out.
(Yeah. That didn't go over too well. Many, many swears spoken.)
2:00 p.m. Gather
recommendations for OTC pain meds.
Motrin wins.
(Never
taken Motrin that I'm aware of, so I've no idea what it is exactly.)
3:00 p.m. Drive
up to CVS and hobble to the pain relief aisle in search of Motrin.
(No
Motrin on shelves. Apparently there has
been a recall of Motrin.)
(Discover
Motrin is 200 mg Ibuprofen. Buy shampoo
instead.)
4:30 p.m. Sister
calls to check on my hip.
(We
both laugh because I deserve it. Hell,
it is
pretty damn funny.)
5:00 p.m. Ibuprofen
ingested.
(Margarita
pouch defrosting.)
6:00 p.m. 400
mg of ibuprofen + 1 slightly frozen margarita = Range of Motion
(Not
ready for a marathon, but I could run from an attacker if necessary.)
7:00 p.m. Resting
on the couch twelve hours post hip snafu
(Okay,
actually I'm sleeping. Is it bedtime
yet? Jeezus, I am old.)
AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A PLAY-BY-PLAY OF MY FIRST DAY OF
SUMMER VACATION. -- THE END
