Apparently I am the one
person in the known world who is incapable of successfully operating anything
that is sold on via television. The
words “As seen on TV” usually warn me to steer clear of whatever product
carries the label, but recently on a trip to The Christmas Tree Shop, I
discover that I am weak. I see those
fateful words “As seen on TV” and I fall hard.
Yes, I buy myself the
Veggetti Spiral Vegetable Slicer.
I should know better. After all, the brand name on the Veggetti
Spiral isn’t Ronco or one of those other sell-it-on-television fake names. This one is actually called The As Seen On TV
Veggetti Spiral. But, it is cheap money,
and people rave about the damn thing, so why not, right?
I openly admit that I am a
Veggetti Spiral failure. I must be the
only person in the known universe who cannot successfully spiral a damn
vegetable.
Oh, you cannot say that I
don’t try! The Veggetti Spiral came
without directions. Apparently, those
must be seen on TV, as well. I search
the Internet, even going so far as to watch a video on how to operate the
contraption. It’s mindless, really: Stick
a vegetable in the open end, spin it around, and the blades create noodle-like
cuts. Voila!
Unfortunately, nothing is
easy, and the zucchini I am attempting to spiral starts chunking and breaking
into miserable pieces. Just to make sure
I’m not a complete imbecile, I break out the metal grater. Nope, the zucchini is fine, and I seem to be
fine. I try the Veggetti Spiral once,
twice, three more times before removing the remainder of zucchini and throwing
the useless machine into the garbage.
In the end, I julienne
slice the zucchini by hand, saute it with onions and garlic and peppers, toss
it with some balsamic vinaigrette, add tomatoes, feta cheese, and some fresh
basil, and I have the most incredible dinner.
Damn the Veggie
Spiral! Damn anything As Seen On
TV! The forces are against me, but I
still manage to make the vegetable dish I set out to in the first place. I may be the only person who is Veggie Spiral
idiotic, but I’m smart enough to accomplish two things this evening: #1- I make a tasty dinner; #2 –I vow never to
buy anything touted “As Seen On TV” ever again.
