I can't really cook, but I do have a microwave, a toaster oven, and a semi-operational (free from the town) hot plate. Nothing is open around here, really, except one or two places that finally converted to electricity instead of gas for heating and cooking. (Wait until they get their first industrial electric bill and have to claim bankruptcy.)
My son and I plan on patronizing one of those few electricity-converted places for pizza. But, as it gets later and later, and as it rains and rains, as the gas company is jackhammering in my driveway, and it gets increasingly darker, the less ambition I have to stray out and jump over the gas trenches just to get a pizza.
My son grabs the leftovers; I grab the last can of tomato soup. Yup. Campbell's tomato soup with milk (not water -- that's just heathen) goes onto the hot plate, and, in surprisingly short time, my dinner is ready. Only problem is that I don't have saltines. I do have some Ritz crackers, but those run out quickly.
Turns out that extra-toasty Cheezits make a decent addition to tomato soup, as well. Not that it matters. I'm not going outside again until the morning because now it's just dark, dreary, and the gas company is still outside, so whatever crackers I have are the crackers going into my soup bowl. Besides, if I walk by carrying a pizza, I'll feel guilty. Plus, I might fall into a trench, and then the workers will get my pizza anyway when it flies out of my hands as I sink into the ditch.
See? Campbell's tomato soup really IS healthy: it saved me from falling into a ditch, and Cheezits kind of have cheese-like stuff in them, so do the math, folks. I'm alive and walking today all because I have no gas.
Okay, okay. I'm stretching it now, but work with me. If only I had a grilled cheese, my life would be complete.
