TIME OF YEAR WHEN PEOPLE MOCK ME

This is that time of year when people mock me and tell me how jealous they are of me because I have "the whole summer off" as a teacher.  I wish I could laugh at people when they say this, but I am still too exhausted from the end of the year and the mad cramming of everything into the last three weeks of school.  (No, it's not all fun and games and movies, FYI.)

Let me assure you that any teacher who makes important appointments before the third week of July is just asking for a commitment to a mental health facility.  Sure, we have no idea what day it is for a few weeks; every damn day is Sunday, apparently, at least until about July 15th.  This is not because we are freeeeeeeee freeeeeeeee freeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  It's because we're still in grading comas.

From late July until the middle of August, we are madly scheduling things that the rest of the working world can do whenever they damn well please -- doctor appointments, dental appointments, surgeries, car inspections, eye exams, mammograms, going to the store, going to the post office, going to the bank, going to the bathroom whenever we truly need to, and my personal summer favorite: colonoscopies.

As soon as we are done getting ourselves regenerated and recharged, we might possibly throw in a vacation somewhere, although it seems like most of us take a series of day trips because we are so damn used to the field trip format.  All of a sudden, it will be the end of August and we are getting ourselves ready to go back to school.  As a matter of fact, I am accompanying a coworker to a conference ...  CONFERENCE ... DEPARTMENT OF ELEMENTARY AND SECONDARY EDUCATION SPONSORED CONFERENCE ... the first week of August.

And, in case you didn't know, unlike other people who get two-plus weeks of yearly paid vacation, please remember before you bash a teacher during summer that we do not get paid for our summer break, or our winter break, or our spring break.  We don't even get paid for SNOW DAYS, people, or holidays.  Holidays.  HOLIDAYS.  We don't get paid for HOLIDAYS (let that sink in for a moment).  That's right.  I work 184 days and get paid on a 180-day pretense, and everything else is unpaid time. (Exception -- my sick time, which I hesitate to take because it's more work prepping the lesson from home while puking than it is to just tough it out and go in.)

Anyway, be jealous of me.  While you and your family are at the beach or the mountains or Aruba on your paid vacation time, I'll be getting dental crowns not covered by the insurance I pay for and having multiple doctor appointments that I cannot make during the rest of the year.  Maybe I'll see you in our mutual travels.  You'll have no problem spotting me. I'll be the one with the glassy, deer-in-the-headlights look muttering, "Where did the summer go?  How did I miss it ... again?"