THERE'S A SALE GOING ON!

Is there anything better than the after-Christmas Christmas sales?

Today I bought wrapping paper and bows and ribbon and tissue paper for next Christmas.  I looked at Christmas cards but didn't find any I liked.  Same thing happened last year, and I ended up buying cards full-price.  But I haven't given up yet.

After all, we are still in the 50% margin and I've only hit one store.  We still have the 65%, 75%, and then the coveted 90% off.

When I worked at the bookstore, I got talking Yukon Cornelius and Santa from Rudolph for a measly $3 each.  Back when we still had Bradlees, I got an entire Santa band set-up for about $20, which was a goodly amount off the original $75 asking price.  I don't really need a Santa band that plays two dozen different holiday tunes on little instruments with bells, but I wanted it, and it cost less than fast food for a family of four, so why not.

I usually buy one new weird holiday decoration every year.  Some of these decorations last a long time, like the battery-operated Santa that reads part of the story T'was the Night Before Christmas or the LED light-up snowman or the stuffed hairy dog that barks out Christmas carols.  Some of these decorations don't last nearly as long, like the Charlie Brown skating rink, complete with moving characters.  I am still on the look-out for this year's close-out weird decoration; it must be cheap and super-cheesy, perhaps even borderline tasteless.  If it requires batteries and makes some creepy animated movement accompanied by tacky music, it's even better.

Like I said, though, I've only invaded one store.  I have at least two or three more to go before I feel like the after-Christmas shopping has truly been successful.  If I can find off-kilter holiday cards that are equal parts of sappy sentiment and insulting commentary, I will be truly happy.  Of course, the price of stamps just went up, so I should probably just send out Christmas emails or something, but I say that every year, and every year I break down and send out some cards.

I can't help myself.  It's like a sickness.

Luckily the symptoms disappear by the middle of January and are replaced by a sad need to send out tacky valentines.  This is then eclipsed by the sudden urge to give everyone I meet plastic pastel Easter eggs full of candy.  Flags, flip-flops, and seashells take over the summer, followed by the reappearance of the dancing skeleton who sings "Super Freak" while shaking the boniest ass I have ever seen on any man. 

Then the turkey candle holders come out, gluttonous menus are made, and, before I know it, I go scrounging around for all the great sale items I've managed to gather during the two weeks after Christmas the year before.  I mean, seriously.  there are only about 360 more days until next Christmas.  We have to get a move on.  It'll be here before we know it, and you won't have me to blame.  I have next year's wrapping paper, and bows, and tags, and ribbons already.

If you see any really super-strange Christmas animatrons for a low price, though, text me their locations.  I won't truly be ready without that new wacky-tacky addition to the menagerie. Maybe, just maybe, I might find an Elf on the Shelf for a good, low price, and then we'll all be sorry.  Mwaaahaaaahaaaaa.  I feel Target in my immediate future.  And with that, dear friends, I'm off...