Oh, sure it's an Old Wives' Tale that snow kills germs, but let's be reasonable. When it snows, shit freezes, and that has to include some of the bacteria and viruses roaming around on surfaces. At the very least they are covered in layers of ice crystals and will have a harder time getting airborne and doing damage. Or perhaps it is the melting factor when the watery residue acts as nature's washcloth and just rinses all that germy crap away.
I don't know, and if I did know, I'd probably be the frikking Nobel Prize winner. I mean, I'm as qualified for the Medicine Prize as a politician is for the Peace Prize, right?
It all started early this year, somewhere in mid-September, and it has been gaining strength, swelling throughout October. But Monday the tsunami hit. The kids were dropping like flies. One minute they seemed fine, and the next minute they were green and running to the nurse to spew breakfast. It was almost comical except that they had all been breathing on us. That's the part that drives me nuts. The whole breathing thing.
Remember Swine Flu? Sure you do. The Powers That Be changed its name to H1N1 so people wouldn't freak about being Pig Sick.That's when hand sanitizer hit the public schools and everyone was spraying each other with Lysol disinfectant (to no avail, I might add).
Before that it was the Noro-Virus. My daughter brought home the Norwalk Virus, one of the Noro families of flu, from work, and it shot through my house like the plague ripping through a packed Globe Theatre. It was and still to this day remains the worst smelling illness I have ever encountered. This is the virus that attacks both ends of its victims and makes sure that liquid of colors never seen before in nature spew from every open orifice of its victims' bodies. This is the virus that can shut down plumbing systems. This is the virus that shuts down universities and cruise ships. Imagine being stuck at sea in enclosed quarters with 1,500 of your closest friends sharing a few bathrooms and a massive case of the shit-pukes?
Not pretty, mes amis, not pretty at all.
Once you suspect you've been exposed, no logic nor justifications will dismiss the sudden feelings of weakness, fatigue, and fever. After two kids left my class within a span of about twenty minutes, I started to feel woozy and light-headed. When they came back and handed my the dismissal notices, I wanted to purge the virus from the room. I bathed my hands in antibacterial gel and I sprayed the perimeter of my work space with Lysol. I also prayed and prayed and prayed, "Dear Lord, pleeeeeeeeeease let this be something my body has seen before..."
Right now I am exhausted, completely fatigued. It could be the flu, or it could be residual sleep pattern interruptions caused by Red Sox games, or it may well be the autumnal equinox, or perhaps it's the nightmares that seem insistent on waking me all night long. Or maybe ... just maybe ... it's The Flu.
Run for your lives, my friends. Run like the wind from Puke City! It's your only hope. And for the love of God, do not touch me nor breathe on me on your way out the door.
