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| (Not mine) |
Then I remember that I totally suck at cooking. No matter how precisely I follow the recipes, something always goes kaflooey. Yesterday I tried to make some protein bar recipe with mashed bananas. Result = Even my worst enemies are not worthy of such horrid torture as was the result. Disgusting. Absolutely barf worthy.
There was another recipe that caught my eye, one about roasting a pork loin in a slow cooker, but no liquid is added during cooking. It's as if the pork loin will cook by osmosis. You know what would happen if I cooked meat dry like that in my crock pot? A fire. A goddamn, motherfucking conflagration. That's what would happen.
Today, though, a recipe comes in via Facebook from a reputedly reliable recipe source. It's a recipe for making Panera's broccoli cheddar cheese soup. Simple, right? Simple ingredients and simple directions. I run to the store, buy all of the supplies, and cannot wait until I throw together this incredible dinner. I even buy some organic 92% ground beef to make hamburgers.
It's going to be terrific!
Yup, it sure is. Except that the soup isn't cooking very well and the veggies are still too al dente. When I melt the cheese in, the liquid thickens so severely that I am afraid I might have to use it to fill cracks in the basement walls as my dinner is turning into concrete. Not only that but the hamburgers are so fat-free that they are actually too fat free. They have neither juice nor flavor.
In the end we eat semi-hockey pucks in bulky rolls with a side of what is nothing more than glorified creamed veggies.
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| (Also not mine) |
Oh, look! Healthy chocolate chip cookies! Maybe I'll swear off the recipe sites tomorrow. I mean, one never knows when the jackpot recipe might come along, right?
