MOSCOW- Today Vladimir Putin dressed up as a flower girl to infiltrate the American political machine by attending the wedding of one of the Obama daughters. Turns out it was just a fake email and Putin actually ended up attending Paris fashion week as a guest of Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. After being covered in more flowers in the infamous unconventional materials challenge, Putin flew home in a UFO with Bernie Sanders.
MOSCOW - Today Vladimir Putin underwent extensive plastic surgery to turn himself into Greta Garbo. Unfortunately, the doctor had never heard of Greta Garbo and turned him into Meryl Streep, instead. Putin could be heard singing Abba songs from
Mama Mia while in the post-op recovery room. It has been reported that he wants to star in a special remake of
Kramer vs. Kremlin this summer.
MOSCOW - This morning it was reported that Vladimir Putin attempted to become the scariest person on Earth. Professionals hired to turn him into the Angel of Death II ran out of funding halfway through and simply turned Putin into an angel. He was last spotted flying around St. Petersburg like Sister Batrille. Sally Field has no comment at this time.
MOSCOW - Vladimir Putin was escorted out of the country after he was discovered attempting to enter the Pentagon dressed as Harry Potter. Putin's receding hairline revealed no lightning-shaped scar, and the Russian leader was quickly detained. He was last heard screaming, "I am Grishna Potterskov! I am not a muggleski!" It is rumored that Slytherins have bailed Putin out of jail and are moving him out of the country via railway and platform 9 3/4.
MOSCOW - It seems that the language barrier has once again thwarted Vladimir Putin's attempt to infiltrate American culture. When told to blend in he must "dress like a honey," his translators misread the directive and turned him into a honey bee. Catch all the buzz later on the program
All the News You Have to HIVE.
MOSCOW - The truth has been revealed. Numerous extraordinarily reliable and unquestionably trustworthy news outlets (such as FOX and CNN) are reporting today that Vladimir Putin is really BAMBI. This explains why viewers have never seen Putin and the animated deer in the same room together. Film at 11 ... and again two hours later ... and again two hours after that.
