Saturday, July 9, 2016

VELCRO IS THE NEW DUCT TAPE

I don't know why I have to be the one for whom nothing works correctly.  I follow the directions, but still, nothing ever comes out quite right.  I mis-assemble furniture, screw up recipes, and cannot follow more than four steps in anything that involves physical movement.  In an otherwise perfect world, I am as imperfect as they come.

A year or two ago, I had to take the base piece off the GPS and attach it to the dashboard with giants slabs of sticky-back Velcro because I could not figure out how to make the dang thing stick any longer.  Voila! It worked ... except that now the top rubbery suction part that attaches the GPS unit to its base no longer grips.  No amount of cleaning, pressing, nor spittle can make the gasket adhere to the extremely secure, super-Velcro-attached base.

I have no better luck with the cell phone holder for my car.  For a year, the sticky-bottomed base keeps the phone secure, but it's dangerously close to the driver's side window because, unfortunately, it's the only place with a smooth, flat surface for adherence.  Every time I hit a bump with the windows open, I expect the cell phone and the holder to go flying out the window.  I try cleaning the rubbery gasket exactly as recommended in the instructions, but, even though the bottom part feels sticky, the holder lets loose and flops over.

I remember how well the GPS base has stayed secure to the dashboard (even though the GPS unit itself refuses to stick to its base), and I get myself several small disks of sticky-back Velcro.  I use my best geometric placings, attaching the cell phone holder to a mostly-flat area next to the gear shift.  It's not ideal, and I still have to look away from the road to see the screen, but I can now use Google Maps or WAZE again, which is key to someone with zero sense of direction.  I must say, this Velcro fix actually works ... for about thirty minutes.  Halfway to my sister's house in Maine, the phone falls into a cup holder and the cell phone holder falls to the floor.

Great.  Now I have to operate both my GPS and my cell phone from the dual cup holders between the front seats. This means there is no way I am navigating safely while trying to follow visual directions because I am taking my eyes not just off the road but waaaaaaaaaaay off the road.

When I arrive home from Maine, I head over to Staples and purchase a vent-based cell phone holder.  I probably should've gotten this kind in the first place, but I worry that the vent will damage the cell phone with either heat or air conditioning.  Not only does the holder work perfectly, but I can move it from vent to vent as desired.  (The kicking sound you hear at this point is me kicking myself in the ass for not buying this holder sooner.)

At home sitting in the driveway, I peel all the leftover Velcro off the old cell phone holder, some of the Velcro still clinging to the base but most of it hanging on to the area next to the gear shift.  I decide to try one more last ditch salvage.  Piece by piece I attach the Velcro to the suction part of the GPS then press it down onto the base.  It wobbles ever so slightly, but it seems to be secure.  I turn on the GPS, test it out, attach the cord. 

Apparently, at least for me, Velcro is the new duct tape.  I'm taking another trip to Maine.  Even though I know where I'm going, I'll set the GPS, and I'll use WAZE  to watch traffic patterns via my cell phone that, if the vent clip holds, is now in an area where I can glance at the map without ever having to take my eyes completely off the road.  It may not be the perfect solution, but it's okay -- I'm an imperfect kind of gal.