AUNTIE EM! UNCLE HENRY!

What in the hell is the matter with you Midwesterners?  There must be something amiss with you people who live in the Heartland because to me it's HeartAttackLand.

I'm talking about tornadoes. 

We have them here in New England from time to time.  Used to be we had them every few decades or centuries or so.  Now it seems like we have them every other storm.  I've been caught in enough microbursts to recognize the sound of rotational cloud movement, and that statement alone should never exist in the English language.

Just last week a "microburst" (read: Tornado) took the roof right off a building only a few miles from the house.  All this happened while my friend and I drove obliviously into the red/pruple part of the radar.  Today, just a few hours ago, funnel clouds were spotted in one town while havoc occurred at the golf course of another town.

Here's a question for you, though:  How does one SEE a tornado when the rain is falling in white sheets, hail the size of beer caps is slamming toward Earth, and mayhem exists at every window?  Hence my real question:  What in the hell is the matter with you Midwesterners?

The reason why I'll never live in the Midwest is because you people have TORNADOES.

Oh, and also you don't have an ocean, but that's a completely different gripe for a completely different day.