EVEN SOLITAIRE HATES ME

I'm having a bad Solitaire run.

Even worse than that, I'm not even using real cards.  I'm playing on the computer, so the statistics option keeps tabs on how badly I am doing. 

It has gotten do bad that the computer now longer asks me, "Quit and start a new game?"  It now just quips, "Wow, you really suck at this.  Are you sure you don't want to go play Mine Sweep or something?"  (By the way, I do completely and totally suck at Mine Sweep, and the computer knows this.  It's toying with me.)

When I click on the Games tab, the computer sucks in its breath.  Don't tell me computers can't breathe; I've heard it.  I click onto Games, and the system goes, "Ooooooooooooooooh," as if the next line should be, "She's gonna GET it!"  When I try to open the Solitaire option, the computer laughs at me with these little sneering snickers sounds. 

So, I'm just going to play one more Last Game and see if I can win this time.  If I'm still here in a few hours playing that thousandth Last Game, spray me down with some water to make sure I stay hydrated.

I'm going in.  Yet again.  This time it's going to be different  This time I'm going to beat the computer...

Yup, and now you know why I don't gamble.  I might as well carve SUCKER into my own forehead.