Apparently I really did break my ass. Sort of.
Four months ago I injured myself running up a hill. In a thunderstorm. At grad school. In front of other people. Like an idiot. One of my young coworkers constantly teases
me about beating her up with my (currently nonexistent) walker. She may not be far off from the truth,
though.
After months of this intermittent pain and the inability to
get out of a chair or my car without limping for a good five minutes afterward,
I caved and went to the chiropractor.
Well, I didn't cave so much as I was dragged. Daughter emailed me that we both had 9:45
appointments on Saturday morning. Now
anyone who follows along with my life knows I had the Chili's Festive
Intestinal Grippe With Extra Hot Sauce on Friday evening, so I was still a bit
funky when I woke that morning. And, of
course, my hip knew damn well where it was going today, so it decided to play
that age-old game of Tag-Me-I-Don't-Hurt-Anymore. There were multiple reasons to cancel the
appointment, but I knew my kiddo would send me to a rest home for crazy old
people if I bailed on her, so I went.
I got into the exam room feeling kind of stupid. On a scale of one to ten, today's pain was a
two -- a minor annoyance. I hadn't even
had any trouble getting out of my car nor climbing the multiple steps to the medical
office. Mere minutes into the exam, I
was starting to wonder if this were a mistake.
I lay face down on the exam table (fully clothed, get your mind out of
the gutter) while the doc pressed in various areas of my hip and spine.
"Does this hurt?"
… No.
"Does this hurt?"
… No.
"Does this hurt?"
… No.
"Does this--" HOLY MOTHER OF GOD ALMIGHTY, THAT
MOTHERFUCKIN' HURTS, STOP STOP STOP, OW OW OW!
I actually levitated off the table the pain was so bad. (This, my friends, is not one of my usual
slight exaggerations - I lifted clear off the exam gurney.) Two x-rays later it was determined that I had
(I have) bursitis in my hip.
After receiving some kind of electric impulse treatment (that
I decided is addicting and creepy all at the same time -- love it), then
getting various joints put back into place, I had my neck cracked. Never having experienced this, my daughter
(who was mildly entertained watching me suffer) sternly advised me to relax as
completely as possible. No sooner had I
taken her advice when SNAP went one side then SNAP went the other, like the
sound of two tree limbs struck by lightning.
Suddenly I felt pretty good.
I was further advised to ice the hip, which I did as told,
and will see the doc again this week to determine what happens next. If he hooks me up to that mega-cool
Frankenstein electrical machine again, though, I'm so all over it (insert
smiley face here). But mostly if he can
get my hip back into working order again, that would be fantastic. I have a goal to participate in the 5k
obstacle-course-laden Dirty Girl Mud Run in July. Also, I just don't feel old enough to be
walking like a spaz with a limp and complaining about my damn hip.
I go back this afternoon.
Wish me and my walker luck.
