Conversation between
me and the new dental hygienist --
SHE: You need full
mouth x-rays.
ME: Yeah, that's not
happening. I just ate lunch. You wanna see it make an appearance?
SHE: I take it you
don't like x-rays?
ME: I'll admit it -
shoving a huge piece of plastic with film attached to it into my jaw, clenching
down, and having a huge plastic tab jabbing my soft palate is not my idea of a
good time.
SHE: Gag reflex?
ME: Wicked. Can't you take the x-rays using chocolate?
SHE: Chocolate? I'm cleaning your teeth. That might make my job a little tougher.
ME: If I puke, it'll
make your job a lot tougher.
SHE: I don't do
puke. It's why I didn't become a nurse.
(Okay, now I'm feeling
really good, like being a hygienist is some sort of medical step down. Not feeling the love or confidence at the
moment.)
SHE: Some guys come
in here, and when I tell them to rinse and spit, they start making that throaty
sound, and then they huck loogies into the spit dish. I mean, someone has to clean that, ya
know!
ME: That's
disgusting. I'm gonna puke right now.
SHE: No, please
don't! Then I'll vomit, too.
ME: Oh, that would
smell great.
SHE (a few minutes later, after she has thoroughly torn my
mouth to shreds with the metal probe):
Okay, you can rinse and spit now!
ME: Shall I gag and
huck a loogie?
SHE (waving metallic torture implement in my face): WATCH IT!
I can still make you get x-rays.
-- I behaved for the
rest of the appointment. (PS - I got a consult for panoramic x-rays that says: "Patient is a severe gagger." She didn't even let me try.)
