Head cold has returned.
Again.
Furnace is dead.
Again.
Vacation is almost over, and I've accomplished practically
nothing. Sue me.
It snowed and now is sub-Arctic cold (yes, Canada, we love
you, just the same).
My Christmas tree is still up and decorated.
Bruins still aren't playing; Jeremy Jacobs is a
testicle. (Does this count for two?)
The Patriots remind me of the Steve Grogan years where every
game is a crapshoot.
Frosted Flakes and Cocoa Krispies are the best cereals
of all time.
Flannel pajama pants = the greatest invention
I cannot own an iPhone because I would be on it 24/7.
Chocolate is losing its grip on me. Okay, maybe not Reese's peanut butter cups.
Eating dinner alone means plastic utensils are completely
acceptable.
Acne and menopause are Mother Nature's cruel jokes on
middle-aged women.
Having 2/3 of my children get engaged is not so stressful
since it's not to each other and this isn't Arkansas.
Arkansas has replaced Seabrook, NH as the incest capital of
America.
No matter how warm I convince myself the beach water is, it
feels damn cold after sundown.
I only say hello to dogs that are breeds I like. Unless the owner is a nice-looking guy, in
which case even a poodle would be okay.
Then again, what kind of guy owns a poodle?
Summer vacation is really short when one is taking
back-to-back classes four nights a week for six weeks.
I can write a whole lot of bullshit and pass it off as an
important assignment.
Last winter was so mild it was like we didn't even have winter. Score!
I want to race rally trucks really bad. Not badly
because then I would suck at it.
Clean underwear cannot be overrated.
There is no purpose to owning an insect, reptile, or bird
for a pet. Pets are supposed to be
interactive. I don't really want to play
catch with a pet scorpion.
Kohls' prices are too goddamned high.
I didn't encounter a single greenhead fly this year.
It's a long run from the university parking lot to the
closest open building during a thunderstorm.
Bursitis in the hip isn't funny. Breaking one's ass is.
Cheez-Its are the food of the gods, but only because Nabisco
doesn't make Tidbits anymore. Bastards.
I didn't gain any weight but went up a pants-size. Gravity sucks.
I cut off all my hair in late June, but it's already long
enough to pull back again. Go
figure. Maybe I'm a Yeti.
I bought a zoo membership then hardly ever went. The giraffes forgive me.
I now know Boston well enough to park at multiple lots and
actually make my way around most of the city.
Only took me decades. Don't judge
me.
Time flies the older I get.
Thankfully, though, the Mayans were wrong.
