I am driving in southern New Hampshire, and I am listening
to Massachusetts talk radio, as I often do.
The news comes on, along with a traffic and weather update.
First of all, I don't want to hear the same story over and
over again. If you don't have anything
new to report on a story and it already made the 5:00 a.m. and noon broadcasts
and every update in between, shut up about it.
Or simply say, "No new information on the Wakefield pervert and his
pimp of a wife who supplied him with infants and toddlers to molest." I
really don't need to hear repeated ad nauseam that some bleeding heart judge
let her out on a measly $1k bond. That's
disgusting. I want to hear that some fair
and honest inmate at MCI Concord cut off her husband's cajones, causing him to
bleed out, and shoved them up her nose, causing her brain to hemorrhage until
her ears exploded. I want to hear that
both are no longer burdens to society.
That would be some worthy news.
The traffic report is almost comical. I have to get to an appointment in New
Hampshire, and I have given myself an hour to make the relatively short
drive. I leave work fifteen minutes
early because to leave on time puts me smack in the middle of the 93-North
commute. I know this because I used to
make this mad run every single afternoon on my way to work at the fabric
store. (Today a coworker said, "Why
don't you just go up route 28?" The
answer is: Because there are 17 traffic
lights between South Lawrence and the Methuen line alone, which makes that a one
hour commute on a good day. And yes, I
counted those traffic lights on the way to my old job.) Anyway, we are all tooling along on the
interstate when traffic screeches to a standstill. A tractor trailer, SUV, and van have decided
to play demolition derby in the fast lane - what the big rig is doing in the
fast lane, I'm not sure, unless he pulled over there after colliding with the
SUV. As I sit and idle in dead
bumper-to-bumper mayhem, the radio announcer reports: "And there's a left lane accident on
I-93 at the state line." No shit,
Sherlock. I totally see it. Thanks for the warning. (To be fair, it had just happened. One Statie is there, no ambulance yet, not
even one in sight or in audible approach.)
The kicker is the weather, though. I know, I know, here I go picking on
meteorologists, again. But really - They
can SEE the rain on the radar; I know they can because I watch the Weatherscan
channel like it's my religion, and even I can see rain on the radar. All of a sudden the guy on the radio
announces, "Possible showers later tonight." Really?
Possible? Later? Then explain to me, Einstein, how come my
frigging wipers are furiously smacking water off my windshield because it's
RAINING … now … right now … right this flappin' second. What's this shit about it might rain later? Dude,
open your eyes and hit the refresh button on your Internet. It's raining right the frik NOW.
Perhaps I am overreacting.
Maybe someone hasn't listened to the news yet today and wants to hear
yesterday's news stories repeated the following afternoon as if it's a
newsflash or something. I don't. Hear it once or twice = News. Hear it three or four times = Reminder. Hear it twelve times in two days = get some
new writers in your newsroom. And it's
entirely possible that the station did just get the news about the accident on
the highway since it really has just happened.
If I'd left work five minutes earlier, it may well be me in that
crash. But to screw up the weather? Truly, you can't even make an accurate and
current statement about the weather?
Kind of makes the rest of what you tell me nothing more than glorified
bullshit.
Honestly, though, this is talk radio. Bullshit is its middle name.
