There's an invasion going on around here! It's some kind of alien insect plot to take
over the world. The stink bugs and the
ladybugs have banded together to cause mayhem, and they are doing a fine job of
it.
The stink bugs have invaded my workplace. I don't know if it's because I'm in a
construction zone or because my room faces the woods, but these damn bugs cling
to the window screens like monkeys to tree limbs. Until recently, the windows didn't even have
screens, so when the students see the stink bugs all over the windows, I
usually just flick them away into oblivion … the bugs, not the children. Occasionally a stink bug will wander into the
classroom. When this happens, even
fearless smart-alecks jump onto desks and shriek like old women at a Josh
Groban concert. They know if anyone
steps on, smooshes, or otherwise touches the bug, the smell will knock out
nasal passages for miles.
The ladybugs have invaded my house. I came home from work several days ago to
find about a dozen of the charming little insects bouncing around from one
surface to another, and flying around errantly as if this place were some kind
of tropical playground. I believe that most of them have either been shooed
outside or have simply keeled over from lack of attention. There's nothing more depressing than stepping
on the tiny shell of a dried up ladybug and hearing that teeny crunch
underfoot. One fell from the ceiling
onto my hand while I was typing the other evening, and I damn-near jumped out
of my own skin. The poor little creature
clung to my hand for dear life, and I, being the kindly sort, opened the front
door and gently blew on it, encouraging it to fly. To
fly. I said, FLY, you little shit! Finally, I flicked the damn ladybug out into
oblivion. There's still one cavorting
around, warming itself on the lampshade, hiding in the drapes, and basically
being a little fucker by driving my nuts when it zooms by (which it did this
second as I typed this sentence).
My friends are also bemoaning the insect invasion,
particularly from the stink bugs. It
could be that we are seeing more bugs because of the incredibly mild winter we
had last year. It could be that we're
just noticing them more for some reason.
Or it could be a cyclical thing, like the Great Gypsy Moth Invasion we
had decades ago that caused perfectly sane people to wrap tin foil around tree
trunks like strange, shimmering European Speedos.
Maybe it's a precursor to a larger scale invasion,
though. Maybe, just maybe, these little
buggers are taking over our homes so their larger, mutated brethren can take
over the world!
It could happen. I
mean, it is an election year. If
that doesn't bring out the lowest and most voracious insects with their
pinchers and stingers, not much else will.
Which leaves me one final question:
Out of the two major presidential candidates, which one is the ladybug
and which one is the stink bug? Don't
let your brain go all buggy over it - After all, it's more of a rhetorical
question.
