Tuesday, August 8, 2017

QUEST FOR YARDLEY ENGLISH LAVENDER

The Quest:  Many months I have been searching for Yardley English Lavender soap.  One would think (erroneously) that it could be found anywhere, at any grocery store or pharmacy or department store.  This would be incorrect, as I discovered when I abandoned my long-time grocery store, the only place that actually carries the soap.

My former grocery store faked a coup several years ago then jacked up its prices, claiming the coup cost them money that we consumers must recover for the owners.  Yes, I prefer to believe the Wall Street Journal's account of the brilliant managerial collusion over the Lawrence Eagle Tribune's version of big-time millionaire so loved by millions that people are willing to bankrupt his entire family and go without food to embrace that love.  My bad; sorry, that version of the story doesn't work. 

Anyway, I rarely venture to that grocery store, and, when I do, it's usually for something specific.  I always forget about looking for the Yardley English Lavender soap.  I've searched chain pharmacies and chain department stores, and other chain grocery stores, all to come up empty-handed.

Don't worry.  I still bathe.  I have plenty of shower gels and lots of bar soaps gifted usually during the holidays so I can stockpile them.  There's also a hefty supply of unopened bars of Irish Spring that I keep on hand for my youngest, so it's not like I cannot locate and start my very own bar of soap.  But, damnit, I want that Yardley English Lavender soap!

Today I take a look at my shopping list and see items like fluoride rinse, toothpaste, light bulbs -- all things that I know usually run cheaper at the grocer I have been shunning.  I decide to bite the bullet and head to the store where the parking lot is expansive, but getting in or out of the narrow entrance is an exercise in futility. 

Coincidentally, Yardley English Lavender isn't on my list.

I start heading down the aisles and quickly learn that this (my former go-to only place) store's prices are, in many cases, higher (sometimes significantly) than the little grocery store (also a chain) much closer to my house.  The cheese here at this big store is more expensive, as is the milk, the sandwich meat, light bulbs, batteries, toilet paper, even rolls of foil. 

And people are rude, so rude, parking their carts wherever they please, blocking displays and aisles.  Kids are running around everywhere, even pushing full-sized carts at breakneck speeds.  The cashiers and sackers chat incessantly and do very little work.  A whole lot of ignoring and snubbing and acting very put out when a customer arrives just strengthens the argument against $15 minimum wage. 

I forget all about the soap.  It's not on my list.  However, after debating buying bulbs and batteries, which are both as expensive as a department store, I turn the corner to the toothpaste and fluoride aisle, the same aisle as... SOAP.  I scan the shelves and look all the way up, and I see the distinct purple tint. 

This.  Is.  Everything.

I finally get into a line (all open registers are backed up like rides at Disney World), wait it out while thanking my lucky stars that I don't have frozen foods with me, empty my cart, and put the Yardley English Lavender soap down last.  I am going to make sure I watch that thing come through the register and make its way into one of my bags.

When I get home, I unpack the toiletries bag last.  Yes, the soap is there.  Quest success; game over.