It starts with a giant silverfish (hairy centipede) crawling around in my bathroom sink. I grab a broom and whack the bug then rinse it down the drain with water. In the reflection in the mirror, I see a spider crawling on the wall behind me, so I take the broom that's already in hand and swipe at the spider, which promptly falls onto my pants. About twenty minutes later when I go to brush my teeth, I turn on the faucet and that damn silverfish crawls back out of the drain at me. This time I whack it with a dustpan brush so hard that its legs scatter and twitch all over the formerly-clean porcelain sink.My semi-awful day continues at work when I slice my finger open on a pile of papers. It doesn't bleed immediately -- most deep cuts don't for about seven seconds -- but eventually it starts spewing blood like I've nicked an artery. I put a bandaid on it, but the blood just laughs at the bandaid and spurts out all over my desk. I put two bandaids over and around it, cutting off the blood supply. This pretty much works until after lunch when I decide to take off the bandaid tourniquet.
Bad idea. Bad, bad idea.
Within minutes I have a second gusher on my hands. Old Faithful can't hold a geyser to the amount of blood shooting out of my finger. My middle finger, no less. Seriously. I NEED this finger for driving. How am I supposed to gesture at other drivers without it!? I wrap up the finger again with one bandaid, but the finger just laughs and laughs and laughs at one bandaid and gushes out of that one, too. Again I do triage on my paper cut ... a mere paper cut, folks ... so that I don't bleed out and die.When I get home, I discover that I have a ton of gauze and a decent amount of medical tape but very few bandaids. Well, middle finger, you best behave yourself unless you want me to tape you up like Gretzky's hockey stick. Besides, I'm afraid to rewrap the dang thing because it means going back into the bathroom where spiders and silverfish roam.
That's all I need. I'm liable to jump out of my skin and slice my finger clean off on something stupid like the towel rack. I'd better just take the rest of the day and evening off.
