Some people are fucking
retarded.
Oh, don’t be telling me
you’re all offended by that word. We don’t
call retarded people retarded anymore, and I have a retarded sister, so don’t
tell me I’m insensitive. Let’s all be
thesauri, shall we? In this case, the
term retarded means “absolu-fucking-lutely the stupidest fuckers on the face of
the planet.”
You see, I am on my way to
a lacrosse alumni game today, but I’m early.
The game is on the practice field, a grass field that is away from
sanitary facilities, and I’m not about to use the sole portapotty during
Homecoming weekend. I can bet what the
inside of that thing will look like.
I decide to stop at a
nearby restaurant, run in, and use a real flush toilet before I go sit at the
field. There is a McDonald’s about a
mile from the field, so I pull in to the parking lot and follow the painted
arrows for both the parking spaces and the drive-through. I’m probably tooling along at a whopping 10
mph when suddenly a woman yells.
Standing in the middle of
the parking lot is a toddler and her adult caretaker (not sure if it’s her mom
since there are several adults, male and female, with the kid) taking a
picture. They are having a photo op
standing on one of the arrows … for thru-traffic … in the middle of lunch time …
at a fast food restaurant. They’re
yelling at ME for driving through the lot in my car while they are trying to pose
for a picture in the drive-through lane of McDonalds.
What. The. Fuck.
This group isn’t using the
restaurant as a backdrop; they’re using the cars in the lot as their staging. And the little kid is standing alone right in
the middle of the lane. Thank goodness I
can see her because a truck would never be able to spot the kid. And she’s fucking POSING. Her caretaker is screaming at ME to STOP so
the kid can continue to stand in the middle of the restaurant’s road.
Look, I know America is
all new to them. How do I know? They’re foreigners. I won’t say which nationality because I’ll
sound like I’m generalizing, but let’s just say the long dresses and hair color
and foreheads give them away. And
that’s great. No, really, it is. Come to America. Be American.
Eat at McDonalds, I really don’t give a shit.
But get your goddamned kid
OUT of the middle of the driving lane.
Here in America we don’t stand in the goddamned street, and we sure as
shit don’t scream at cars for driving on them.
That’s kind of what we Americans build streets for, ya know.
This incident ranks right
up there with the Japanese bus that stopped in Maine so a foreign tourist could
get off the vehicle and take pictures while standing next to the giant
collected pile of cow feces outside of the barn at the Landing School.
I mean, truly. What the hell is wrong with people?
I’ll tell you what’s wrong
with them: They’re absolu-fucking-lutely
the stupidest fuckers on the face of the planet. They sincerely are fucking
retarded.
