I am debating getting a
pumpkin to carve.
I’m not very good at
carving pumpkins.
I always carve them the
same way:
Old School,
Big grinning face,
Toothy grin,
Triangular eyes and nose.
Oh, sure, I have one of
those fancy-schmancy carving sets;
You know, the one with the
miniature implements of torture.
I have neither the
patience nor the ability, though.
So I grab a large kitchen
knife,
And I butcher the
buhjeezus out of the poor thing.
Then I stick a lit votive
candle inside,
And my jack-o-lantern
smirks at me with the
Exact expression pumpkins
have been wearing forever.
Nothing special;
Just me and Jolly Jack.
Even when I put the
skeleton out front,
No one comes.
Not even the kiddos next
door nor out front.
I used to buy candy I
hated so I wouldn’t eat it.
Then I bought candy that I
loved since I was the only one eating it.
Now I don’t buy any candy
at all.
I’d like to say that I
didn’t buy a pumpkin last year,
But I know better.
I know me.
I bought a pumpkin on
Halloween on my way home from work,
Carved it, lit it, placed
it on the counter so I could enjoy it.
No point in putting it
outside.
No one is going to come.
I’m debating it;
I’m debating going Old School.
If you see triangular
chunks of pumpkin near my trash can,
Don’t panic!
Just partying with my Irish
gourd Jack O’Lantern.
