Well, Easter is officially over. I have just finished eating the last of the
Easter ham. I didn't actually cook the
Easter ham; the 99 did. But I ate the
Easter ham, just the same.
My favorite part of Easter is Cadbury Eggs -- not the mini
ones, but the regular sized, loaded with liquid sugar ones. I was good this year. In the six weeks leading up to Easter, I only
scarfed down eight of them. I mean, I
could easily eat eight in one sitting, but I'm trying to maintain my somewhat
bulbous-bottom figure for two weddings in the fall. Every bite of the candies I took, I thought
about dresses that will hide my Cadbury Egg Sprawl. I also thought about exercising, but the
thinking part tired me out and I had to have a Cadbury Egg and rest my brain
for a while.
Seriously, though, I have to get my fat ass back to the
gym. I bought new running shoes and
haven't even run in them yet. I bought
new work-out clothes and haven't even sweated in them yet. Part of the problem is damn laziness; the
other part is school. I don't know how
on earth I took two grad classes last summer because the one I'm taking now is
enough to suck the life out of me. Oh
wait, I remember now. I didn't sleep and
gave myself pneumonia. It's all coming
back to me now.
I would, however, gladly put my work-out routine back on
hold for any leftover Cadbury Eggs. I'll
wait a few days before I hit the store.
Maybe, just maybe they'll all be sold out by then, and willpower won't
even enter into the equation. Or maybe
if I put on my new sneakers and spandex, I can run to the store to buy the
Cadbury Eggs -- That's like working off the calories and pounds before I even
put them on. Isn't it?
All right, all right.
I have a couple of papers to write for grad school, and my April break
from my day job is approaching. I
promise to go back to the gym. But if I
pull a muscle or need Naproxen or anything, and I just happen to stop by CVS or
Rite-Aid or Walgreens and they're selling Cadbury Eggs leftover from Easter,
don't be blaming me. You people are the
ones who forced me to go exercise, hence hurting my muscles, hence tempting me
with the leftover Easter candy sales.
You have no one to blame for my Bulbous Cadbury Egg Easter Ass
except yourselves.
