I am writing a research paper.
I would like to say that I don't know why I am writing a
research paper, but I truly suspect that I do know why I am writing a research
paper: It's a requirement for the class I am taking.
I don't know why it's a requirement for the class that I am
taking because this is a writing class, a seminar class. We are supposed to be writing not
researching.
I don't know why we are researching and not writing,
especially since the class is about writer's blocks. Shouldn't we be disproving block theories or
something? Shouldn't we be finding ways
to master our blocks (if we even have them)? I hate writing research papers.
I don't know why I hate writing research papers. After all, one doesn't actually write a research paper; one simply steals a research paper and adds a
bibliography. It's an entire paper about
someone else's work that you claim you understand and assimilated into some
epiphany that sounds remotely like, "In conclusion, I have learned never
to take a class with a research paper requirement ever again as long as I live."
And you suddenly want to shout, "AMEN!"
I don't know why I suddenly want to shout "AMEN!"
because I haven’t been to church in a really, really, really long time. I haven't been to church in a long time
because the Church Lady hated teenagers, and I was co-teacher of the middle
school youth classes at Sunday school. I
got tired of fighting the Church Lady, and lacrosse started every Sunday at
11:00 a.m., which, for Protestants means the middle of church services, so my
family and I just stopped going and went to lacrosse games, instead.
I don't know why lacrosse started so early on Sundays except
that maybe the lacrosse association was run by Catholics who could go to church
on Saturday afternoons because they have enough masses at every church to
ensure multiple collection plate passes in a single weekend, like the Bingo
gross without having to actually call any numbers. "And the Lord said, B13!" Or maybe it was run by Jewish people who
could attend temple on Fridays, or maybe, just maybe, the lacrosse program was
run by a bunch of stinkin' atheists and agnostics, but I really think the agnostics
would balk at Sunday morning games, you know, just in case.
I don't know why agnostics would balk at lacrosse trumping
church since they're non-believers, sort of.
I don't know why you shouldn't far near a church. Perhaps I could write a research paper about
it.
I don't know why I'm writing a research paper. Perhaps it's because the old lady swallowed a
fly. I don't know why she swallowed the
fly; perhaps she'll die.
