FLIGHT ATTENDANT TAKES A BOW

On the plane coming back from North Carolina, my daughter and I are sitting about four rows back from the mid-plane emergency exits.  Anyone who has ever flown knows exactly what this means: EMERGENCY INSTRUCTIONS!

For some reason, boarding the plane is ridiculously fast and efficient.  We are all in our seats without a second to spare, and the happy crew tells us we are leaving on time, momentarily, and without any kinds of silly delays that normally hold up planes (late passengers, tardy crew mates, idiots with too many or too large carry-on bags...).  So, it is no surprise when one flight attendant, a charming man about my age, comes to the back of the plane and starts his spiel.

As soon as he opens his mouth, an announcement comes over the speakers.  He chuckles, we chuckle, and all moves on.  He is thirty seconds into his very serious instructions when a second announcement breaks in.  He smiles, waits, apologizes, and continues with the important information about emergency exits because these are new doors.  They're hydraulic, and there are some things we really do need to know.  After all, if there is an emergency and we morons break the new hydraulic door by yanking on it while it's working, we might all get stuck in the plane and die.

Halfway through this critical information about not busting down the hydraulic emergency exit doors, a third pleasant, necessary, but untimely announcement comes through the speakers.  We all giggle because, hey, this is serious stuff.  The flight attendant makes a face, crinkles his taut mouth into a crooked smile, and says, "Well, that should be it for interruptions."  Then, he continues on with the instructions which, by now, not a single one of us can remember.

He is just about finished when announcement number four booms through with a cheery voice, "This is your captain .... (yadda yadda yadda) ... We'll have a great flight!"  Or some such upbeat stuff.  At this point, all the passengers in the back of the plane have completely lost it, the flight attendant has broken into a fit of laughter, and somehow, we've no idea how, he manages to get to the end of his speech.

Spontaneous cheers and applause erupt from the back of the plane, and our fabulous attendant takes a huge and glorious bow.  Thank goodness the flight goes well and no one needs to pretend to know how the new hydraulic emergency exit doors might work in an actual emergency.