TASTELESS TASTING

Listen up, wanna-be stores and wanna-be sommeliers:

IF YOU ADVERTISE A WINE TASTING AND EVEN HAVE A SIGN OUT IN FRONT OF YOUR STORE, YOU DAMN WELL BETTER BE HAVING A WINE TASTING.

There's a store in my town that took no less than five years (maybe even eight) to finally build and open.  Its paved parking lot and concrete foundation sat vacant for eons.  When it finally opened, it became obvious that it wasn't an average store.  Everything is higher end -- special soda, special bakery items, special frozen pizzas, special meals, special wines, and everything with special price tags.

I attended one of their wine tastings, and it seemed like an employee, or perhaps someone who happened to be walking by on the highway, was pouring and attempting to sound versed.  I'm not exceptionally versed in wine-speak, and I could've done a better job. Because the store was newly opened, I cut them some slack.

That was months ago.  Yesterday I get an email and a Facebook notification that there is a wine tasting the following day, meaning today.  Damn!  I'm so excited that I cancel plans with people and work my day around the tasting time, which is 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. 

I have to mail an E-Z Pass transponder back to the E-Z Pass people, so I time my errand perfectly: I am at the post office at 4:45 (waiting in a short but surprisingly slow line) and at the market for the wine tasting at 5:00.  I salivate at the sign out front, advertising the tasting, and I force myself to wait until almost 5:10 to make sure I'm not glomming all over the person who's pouring (hopefully better than the last one).

I walk in, look to the left where the wine glasses are and ... NO TASTING.  I circle the wine area... NO TASTING.  I walk amongst the organic produce... NO TASTING.  I check out the indoor seating area ... NO TASTING.  I walk past the bakery area and the food area and the ice cream area ... NO TASTING. 

I briefly think about buying something so I don't look like I just showed up for the nonexistent wine tasting, but the truth is that I just showed up for the nonexistent wine tasting.  I don't care what the workers think when I turn around and walk out.  Fuck it.  False advertising pisses me off.  It's like dealing with used car salesmen and the old bait and switch.

I whip around and walk outside, searching the outdoor patio for a wine tasting station.  I even scan the near-empty parking lot.  What the ... What the ... Frig!  I TAKE WINE TASTING VERY SERIOUSLY.  As a matter of fact, the people I've met on the local wine tasting circuit also take it very seriously.  For us, it is a full-contact sport.  We exchange addresses and store names of places with good wine tastings.  This store, unfortunately, has earned what will probably end up being its blacklisting.

If your presenter is late, LET PEOPLE KNOW.  Start by taking in your sign advertising a tasting happening right at that moment when it's not happening anytime soon.  Or, acknowledge customers.  Ask them what they want.  Direct them.  And ... hire professionals whenever possible.  Maybe they did and someone got stuck in traffic.  It happens.  But, it doesn't look professional.

There's a beer tasting on the patio tomorrow, but I think I'll erase it from my calendar and delete it from my phone.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, I don't have to worry about merging back into traffic on the busy street where your store is located.