I am visiting my sister and her family, who are also hosting one of my brothers and his family. While my brother's family is on vacation, my sister's family is not, so I head north to Maine to be part of the festivities. Over the course of the three days I will see everyone, we go hiking, shopping, wave-hopping, barbecuing, and swimming.
Swimming, in my family, anyway, is EPIC.
Oh, come on. What kid with a pool has not tried diving through a tube but hooking his/her feet onto the tube upon entry? Or tried the cannonball into a short stack of tubes, as if we couldn't predetermine our parents rage over the resulting tidal wave caused by entry?
So, it comes as no surprise that my brother (one of two who can be completely coordinated nut cases) decides to do an ass-plant into a stack of inflatable tubes that happens to be floating by in the pool-whirlpool. (Okay, WE stack them; we stack the tubes into a near-deadly height not because we wish our brother harm, but because we cannot tolerate backing down from an epic pool challenge.)
First we create that near-intolerable whirlpool. The ladder lets loose and follows us halfway around the pool, and the random pool accessories start their slow but steady march in giant circles like participants in some kind of chlorinated carousel. We do some mock practice runs from the edge of the water that usually include smacking our feet on the coping and major near-misses.
Finally, the moment of truth arrives. Cameras are ready, children have been cleared to the sidelines, and my brother is poised with one foot and one hand forward, ready (and willing) to make a huge splash in the pool, ready (and willing) to make a huge fool of himself in the process.
We give him the countdown and ...
The sound of his body smacking the stack of plastic tubes is almost ungodly. A tsunami spreads across the pool, causing a tidal wave to spill out and over into the grass. Spray flies everywhere, tangled in a flurry of arms and a flailing of long legs. My nephews and niece are cheering. The stack of tubes flies by, bouncing off the opposite side of the pool.
It takes about five seconds for the commotion to clear enough to really see. My brother has completed a flawless ass-plant into multiple tubes and is splayed out and sailing across the water like a humongous human water bug.
Success! (Except for the fact that we must ban the children from attempting this epic move.) After all, the youngsters are still young, impressionable, and way too light weight-wise to pull this off. These suave moves are for the perpetually immature, which is probably the only thing my siblings and I do with complete and utter perfection.
