SAVING ELECTRICITY -- THE WINNER IS ...

I don't know why I bother.  Truly.  From whom am I saving electricity ... the big office building up the street?  All day I have the windows open to my house because apparently my house is sitting in the midst of some big frontal weather zone.  It's hot, it's cool, it's breezy, it's overcast, it's sunny -- almost all at the same time.

"Open the windows," I tell myself. 
"Let in some fresh air," I tell myself.
"Save some electricity," I tell myself.

This lasts until about 10:00 p.m. as I am changing sheets on the bed while sweating more pores off.  I cannot wait to take a shower and climb into clean sheets.  It's going to be great because ... because ...

Why is it going to be great?  Somewhere over the last few hours, the air has grown thick and humid and unbearable.  If I attempt to sleep with the windows open and the fan on, all I will do is blow the sweat around and ruin my clean-sheet experience.

Somewhere between putting on the top sheet and fluffing up the pillows, I decide to close the windows and crank up the air conditioners to high.  I also turn on every fan in the house in order to circulate air.

Screw this shit.  When I get out of the shower, I don't want to immediately start sweating again.  Tomorrow's forecast is for hideous levels of humidity coupled with outrageously oppressive heat, and the house is already starting to feel like a tinder box.

Damn the windows, damn the fresh air, and damn saving electricity.  Who's going to care?  The electricity police?  "Ma'am, we noticed that your tiny townhouse seems to be using up $4.75 worth of electricity this evening, and it is interfering with the mall down the road that is sucking off generator power now thanks to YOU!"

Truly, why do I bother?  Oh, yeah: I bother because sleeping in a cold bedroom on a hot and muggy night is akin to Nirvana for the body and the soul. 

Just for the record, electro-police, fans use electricity, too.  I rest my case.