It’s official.
The mayor of Boston has
ordered us not to jump out windows into the snow … anymore. He is afraid we will all be impaled on fallen
icicles, and he has ordered us all to cut it the hell out.
Doesn’t he know this is
the only fun we can have? Seriously. We can’t pahk ah cahs anywhere because the
streets are not plowed properly nor completely.
The stupid public transportation system has come to a standstill (even
the head of the MBTA cut bait and ran the other day). All this and the kiddos are on February break
from school.
What in the hell is there
left to do? Even people who don’t want
to jump out windows into the snow are ready to just plain jump out
windows. It’s frigging insane up here.
Just to be clear, I
probably won’t be jumping out of my windows because I’ve shoveled under most of
the second story ones, so it would be a hard and sudden stop. As for the first story windows, they are
covered in snow, so I won’t be jumping out of those windows, but I might tunnel
free of them. The mayor of Boston doesn’t
have to worry about me being “a knucklehead and diving into the snow.” I won’t have any monstrous ice daggers
sticking out of my … kidneys … or whatever he was implying by his risqué innuendo.
The mayor can also relax
since I don’t live within city limits.
This means that I am free, free, free from Bostonian regulations “to
kill” myself if I so choose by jumping into the snow. To blazes with whatever the mayor thinks,
right? He’s a party-pooper, the Grinch,
and Cruella DeVille all rolled into one.
Relax, Mayor; take a chill
pill; have some fun. Open up a window and
jump. Seriously, dude: It’s only snow.
