THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING!

Okay, listen up. 

If you live in Florida and it snows, you have a legitimate gripe.
If you live in San Diego and it snows, you have a legitimate gripe.
If you like in El Paso and it snows, you have a legitimate gripe.
If it's summer and it snows, you have a legitimate gripe.

But if it is late fall, winter, or early spring, and you live in New England, and especially if you're supposed to be a professional weather forecaster, and it snows, you do not have a legitimate gripe.  As a matter of fact, if you're going to dis our weather, get out.  Just get the hell out.

Sometimes storms are inconvenient.  I get that.  You get that.  The guy whose brain is sitting next to him in a jar gets that. 

But for chrissakes, stop complaining about weather we get every winter, and have gotten every winter since the frikking ice age ended.  And stop running your news broadcasts 24/7 when it snows.  Really.  It's annoying.  Snow is not an unusual event here in New England.  Maybe if you were a native or, oh, I don't know, um ... intelligent ... yeah, maybe if you were intelligent you'd know that New Englanders don't need to talk about the storm every minute of every hour of every day.

Tornado.  Now there's an unusual weather pattern worthy of its own news broadcast.  Or a tsunami.  Yup, that would qualify.

But snow?  Think Currier and Ives ... or, at least, Currier. 

I would like to see this broadcast next time the news is on and it's snowing:  "Get ready, folks, sledding and skiing weather is BACK! (Fist pump) We're due to get a measly 15 inches of the white stuff, and you should be able to shovel it in a few short hours.  With any luck at all, it'll stay below freezing and this new snow will stick around until Christmas.  Now on to our winter sports report..."

I hate to be cold; I have Raynaud's Syndrome, and it actually hurts to be cold.  Oh well!  I get pneumonia more often than some people get paid.  I drive like the aged when it snows because I'm terrified I'm going to slide into someone or something, so I grip the steering wheel with knuckles whiter than the snowflakes.  But New England is my home.  I've been to some other parts of the USA -- I'm not sure I could survive anywhere else.  I'm too cynical, sarcastic, and sharp-tongued.  My family has been here for almost 400 years, almost all of which has been lived in Massachusetts.

I have a New England news flash, people:  SNOW HAPPENS. I know, I know; hard to believe, right?  That's what it does here. It snows.

Would somebody please tell the news stations?  I'm not entirely sure they get it.  Thanks!  Enjoy the snow.  I ordered it just for you.