BIONIC EAR DROPS

I decide to do something about my earache today and manage to get a medical appointment for the mid-afternoon.  Luckily I am in a meeting at the end of the day, so I sign myself out from work and head home before going to the doctor.

Heading home means relaxing and eating something.  However, when I arrive home, I see the landlord's snowblower sitting 6 feet from my snow-covered driveway.  I decide that I'd better clean the rest of the driveway before it gets dark.  This means taking great shovels full of snow and whipping them at the snowblower because now we're enemies.

Eventually (with 10 minutes to spare) I quickly get ready for my appointment rather than eat anything.  Eating is overrated, so I don't try and squeeze that in.  I head over to beautiful Lawrence.   Diagnosis:  Ear infection.  Course of Action:  drops in my ear x2 every day.

Ahhhh.  This is wonderful:  no antibiotics; no shots.  All I have to do is ... put ... two ... hey, wait a sec.  How am I supposed to see where the ear canal is?  Worse than this, I can't even tell how many drops are coming out of the container.

 Shit.

Double shit.

And after I put the drops in, I have to stay in a supine, immobile position for five minutes.

Triple shit.

I decide to go for it.  I open the package, get ready, aim, fire, and ... Success so far, though I'm still not sure exactly how many drops went IN my ear.  If I wake up with bionic super-hearing, you'll know I ended up putting too much medicine into my ear, and that I've probably fried my brain.

Oh, wait.

My brain was already fried.

Never mind, then.  Carry on.