I now understand why the Chinese send their brighter children here to be schooled in the universities.
How do I know this?
I am working on a grad school project that I have to present tomorrow (which is actually tonight because I am writing this Monday but posting it Tuesday, so I'm presenting Tuesday, which is my current tomorrow but your current tonight). I decide that the large paperclips just are not going to cut it for my handouts, so I go in search of the package of binder clips I bought ages ago at Staples. I need 20.
Luckily I clean out my personal desk every summer and do my damnedest to keep it organized until the following summer. It rarely happens. But due to two major weddings this fall, my desk has rarely been touched since I cleaned it out. I know for sure there are binder clips in there.
I find the packet for which I am searching, and, lo and behold, the package says there are 25 binder clips inside, and it's still sealed from the day I bought it. Hallelujah! I bring the bag of clips downstairs to where I am working, snip the top off with scissors, and start popping the arms of the clips back to make this whole process go quicker.
But ... something's wrong.
Sonofabitch. Goddamn sonofabitch.
There are only 15 damn binder clips in the bag.I check the bag again to make sure it has not been tampered with nor altered. Nope; I am the first person to breach the protective plastic wrapping. It is the Staples brand, so my mind instantly goes to the dark place. Children must have manufactured these, I think, poor, overworked, underpaid little minions who probably have little more than bread and water for lunch ... if they even get a lunch break.
I feel guilty and pissed off all at the same time.
I check the back of the package: Made in China. Seriously? The Chinese can't count past 15? They don't know that 15 is not 25? No wonder they send their brighter kids here -- they go to public school over there with people who cannot tell the difference between 15 and 25. (Don't point out that their numbers have different characters - you'll totally wreck my rant.)
And what about Staples Corporation quality control? What the hell is the matter with those people? The store managers? The clerks who price these things? Is there no one in this chain of manufacturing command who can count past 15? Holy crap, and people want to raise minimum wage to $15? Why don't we just say we'll raise it to $6.25 since no one can count anymore, anyway.
And then it hits me: I didn't realize there weren't 25 in the package, either.
Shit.
That's it, kids. I'm moving to China where everyone can count as high as I can. 15. If I'm really, really lucky, Staples will hire me to work in their factory for minimum wage.
