I have been looking forward to this salsa ever since I remember halfway through my day that the salsa is in the fridge and that my son (who owns the salsa) will not be home this evening. This means that I can eat the salsa and play dumb tomorrow when he figures out that it's gone.I get home from another arduous day at work and go straight for the fridge -- do not pass Go; do not collect $200. I take the store-bought container of salsa out and open the lid. I ... open ... the ... I ... open ... open... OPEN ... DAMNATION.
I cannot even believe that the top won't come off. I know the damn thing CAN open because my son was eating the stuff the other night. I try prying the cover off with what's left of my fingernails. I try using a spoon under the edges. I run it under warm water in case it's salsa-sealed.
Nothing. Nothing ... except that I WANT THE SALSA.
I give the top a few more tries, then I go into the drawer and find the old, mismatched serrated knife that I keep for such auspicious occasions as sawing down larger cardboard boxes. I try using it as a miniature crowbar, but nothing works.
That's it. I'm done with you, salsa container!
I arc the knife carefully above the lid of the container, then I stab that sonofabitch. Once the knife is in securely, I saw around
the inside lip of the cover, eventually popping out the entire top piece like the pane of a window.
It's both disturbing to me and fascinating to know that if I ever truly have to live alone, I have some coping mechanisms and am still very skillful with a blade -- I certainly won't starve to death, that's for sure.
