PATRIOTS VS. THE ANALYSTS

Ugh.  It hurts my eyes to watch the Patriots' game on Sunday, at least for a while.

First of all, watching the icy rain pour down just depresses me because I know it will be here by tomorrow morning.  That just sucks.

Second of all, the team isn't having a strong game, and it pains me to watch NOT because I expect the team to win, but because we Patriots' fans spent so many years (decades, even) watching the team in the bottom of the NFL, and sometimes it's like deja vu alll over again when they deflate on the field.

Thirdly, I just cannot stand the Steelers because years ago I encountered a rather obnoxious person who was such a rabid fan that we all suspected he was mentally ill with his obsession.  Even now, just the mere mention of the words "Pittsburgh Steelers" gives me flashbacks and causes me to twitch slightly.

So, naturally, I distract myself from the end of the game by doing other things, like washing the dishes.  When it looks like the team is going to choke, I shut off the television.

That lasts about four seconds.  I cannot abandon the team.

I turn the TV back on and force myself to watch it.  My stomach is turning not because the Steelers are just about to score and win the game but because the announcers, those absolute fuckers, are so anti-Patriots that my ears bleed just listening to them.  All I hear are their pompous comments about how the Steelers are going to win, and about how the Patriots have sucked the whole game, and blah blah blah blah.

You see, watching the Patriots win, and that is exactly what they do with five seconds left in this game, isn't the real reward to it all.  The real reward is listening to the asshole, idiot, moron announcers, with their obvious bias, have to eat crow.  Better yet, eat shit, ya bastards.  Eat shit hard.  It's a RULE, and if the Patriots had violated that rule, those same commentators would be all over the Patriots like buzzards on a crap wagon.

In the end, watching the game still hurts because the team isn't playing consistently nor playing well, but they are playing effectively for the most part.  How the hell they pull out the win should still make people shake their heads, but I have to remember: These are not my father's Patriots, nor even my Patriots.  I grew up in the Grogan-Bledsoe era.  You want to talk about shitting your drawers every week, that's the definition right there.

I shouldn't be so surprised when the team pulls off another last minute victory, but still I am.  Honestly, I love to see it.  Someone might want to send the CBS analysts some new underwear and a box of tissues, though.  I'm not quite certain that they've caught on to the pattern just yet.