I buy one of those rubbery plastic protective shells, and, for some unknown reason, I gravitate toward the purple cover. I never buy purple. After the cover arrives, I realize that one of my good friends has the exact same cover on her phone (and has for quite a while). We look like twins and now have to keep closer eyes on whose phone is whose.
I try changing the cover out, but, as I said, one cover is dead and the other has passed its prime. This is where I am right now. Time to put the purple cover back on and just leave it. One side of the phone slides on easily. The other side, however, catches on the rubber stopper surrounding the hard plastic edges.
I take the cover off and put it back on again. Same issue. I take the cover off and try loading the phone in several different ways. Honestly, a goddamn safety phone cover shouldn't be this goddamn difficult to get onto a goddamn phone.
Aha! I will use tweezers to pull the rubber gasket away from the phone and then feed it up and over the one section that refuses to cooperate. Brilliant! Except for the fact that the regular tweezers will not pull the rubber far enough away from the glitch in the phone cover. I try smaller tweezers and almost correct the problem ... but not quite.
It's okay. I have one more secret weapon. I have a pair of ridiculously sharp tweezers. They are for splinter removal or perhaps performing emergency appendectomies in the wild, I'm not entirely certain. I fish out those tweezers, slip the sharp point under the rubber gasket, and start pulling it from underneath, feeding it slowly up and over the phone.
I am nearly finished with the task when the cover decides to fight back. I jab the tweezers just a little too zealously. Suddenly, the rubber gives way and the tweezers, still clutched in my right hand, come flying toward my other hand, the hand that is holding the phone. I can see the whole thing happening, yet, due to my concentration and own strength, I cannot halt my tweezers-hand mid-strike.
Direct hit! My right hand jabs the sharp point of the tweezers directly into the ring finger of my left hand. Anyone who has ever had a fingertip pricked will agree that the needle, despite being small and super-sharp, still shocks the finger's nerve endings. While I stare at my throbbing finger, I can hardly believe what I've done. I mean, seriously. Who stabs herself to near stitches with tweezers while putting on a phone case?Well, other than me.
I bleed for a while and have to tourniquet-bandaid the little bastard, lest it will shoot red all over the kitchen, the phone case, the phone, the table, the floor, my clothes. Yup, that sucker is bleeding like a sonofabitch.
Damn good thing I bought that phone safety cover, though. Not that it matters. After all that, including piercing my own finger badly enough that it could probably support an earring through the hole, I don't even drop the phone to see if my misery is for naught.
Anyway, the point of the story is this: Dear Children, I have requested a new phone cover for my old android cell phone, preferably one that won't fight me back. Sincerely, Your Numb-Fingered Mother
