ASIAN PINCHING LADY BEETLES

Ever since I removed the air conditioners from the windows, my house has been inundated with those stupid little Asian beetles.  They fly all over the place and knock into things, making little pinging noises.

Unlike their springtime American cousin, the harmless ladybug, these little fuckers are quite aggressive and have pincers that stick to their victims and leave a little bruise.  Oh, they look plenty cute, but they are miniature terrorists.

I have a couple of the Asian "lady beetles"  flying around the bedroom, so I bring a fly swatter into the room with me and knock the little kamikaze bastards clear out of mid-air.  I still believe (perhaps truly or perhaps psychosomatically) I hear them snap-crackle-popping on the backside of the window shades.  I whack at the shades just to be sure.

I'm willing to bet that at some point tomorrow during a presentation or something, I will cough and an Asian beetle that I've accidentally inhaled in my sleep will come spewing out and hit someone across the room from me.  Oh well.  It's rumored that we all eat a certain amount of spiders in our sleep.  I guess adding an Asian beetle or two to the menu wouldn't really be too far beyond the realm of possibility.

Should be a frost this week, though.  I am certainly hopeful that the little asshole beetles still roaming around outside will get their due.  If not, I have discovered that Raid hornet spray is very effective against slowing the beetles down enough for me to completely annihilate them with a shoe or other implement of destruction.

Just don't miss.  If those buggers get on your skin, you'll know it.  Like summer greenheads, these fall insects will leave a mark you won't soon forget.