CALLS FROM THE GRAVEYARD

I'm thinking that snycing my cell phone with my new-used car is going to be simple.  I mean, there are directions and everything.  I am a reasonably intelligent, if not completely technologically challenged, person.  I read the directions, play with the system, and figure this is going to be easy pickings.

I sit in my car in my driveway in my incredibly congested neighborhood and realize that my cell phone is syncing with any and every car within spitting distance.  Not good.  Oh, well.  Now my neighbors have all of my contact information.  Sorry, people.

So, I quickly shut down the uploading process and drive to a nearby cemetery.  I have to assume that the dead and buried do not have cell phone reception nor Blue Tooth capability.

This idea works.  I am able to sync my phone to my car, but it wants all of my contacts.  Hmmm, I don't really need the car to have all of my contacts, so I try to enter favorites.  But the car insists that I MUST put in my contacts, so I figure out how to do that then press the phone buttons.

I try a voice command.  "Call home" turns into "Call Val."  Val's phone starts ringing.  I shut off the car quickly.  Sorry, Val.  Then I try the phone button on the steering wheel.  It calls the first contact in my cell without me even doing anything.  I shut the car off again and text my pal that I butt-dialed her.  Sorry, Lynn.

I hit a few more buttons and try to follow a few more instructions.  This brings up other phones.  Damnit, I forgot to delete the phones of previous owners from the system.  (Why the owners and dealer didn't do this, I've no idea.)  There's "Alison's phone" plus 3 others, all iphones.  I have an android, so no cross-cellination will occur.  I delete all the phones, including mine because I am determined to elminiate my contacts and just put in the ones I want as favorites so I don't continue to accidentally dial everyone in the known universe.

However, when I try to re-enter everything, this time the contacts sync option will NOT reappear.  I get pissed and delete the whole thing and head home.  I am somewhat creeped out by the cemetery-phone experience, but, as I sit at home, I get even more pissed off.  How come I cannot do this?  It's making me mad and sad, and I feel like a pathetic loser who cannot do something as simple as program Blue Tooth in my own damn car.

I decide to go back to the cemetery, but I don't want the people there for Memorial Day to think I'm some kind of weirdo, so I drive to a different cemetery.  Seriously, how many people do you know who need to go to a cemetery to make technology work?  (One, I hope, just one.)  I park under a tree and enjoy the peace and quiet as I battle again with the whole syncing contacts crap.

After four tries, I believe I have the whole phone set up, and I carefully find my own home phone number, make the call, wait for the answering machine, then I leave myself a message.  I hit the disconnect button on the steering wheel.  So far, so good.  I have to run some errands.  I'll check the message when I get home later.

I have to hit the bank, the gas station, the wine store (zins and sliders today), CVS, and the grocery store.  When I get home, my answering machine is blinking.  Who left me a message, I wonder.  I hit the button and at first think it's my sister.  Nope, it's me.  I have already forgotten that I left myself a message from the cemetery.  I guess I can call this winning.  After all, if one is going to call oneself from the graveyard, it's a really good sign if the caller and the recipient are both alive for the process.