I'm telling you, it's a male giraffe with feeding issues.
He's gender confused.
He thinks his name is April.
There's no baby.
No baby.
Get over it, people.
Stop watching the live feed.
Just stop.
How do you even know it's live feed?
Maybe it's looped like in the movie Speed.
That's it!
They looped Gino-Gina the Gender-Confused Giraffe;
Everyone thinks they're watching it live.
They're not.
Really.
How bad are the zoologists that they cannot figure out the gestation period of a giraffe?
Hasn't this giraffe supposedly done this before a few times?
Please stop clogging my news feed.
No matter how many things I block, it keeps coming back:
There's the News 8 feed, the Toys R Us feed, the zoo feed.
The giraffe vulva feed.
Enough already.
I think there's a limit on how many sites I can block.
Maybe there's a quota on anti-giraffers.
Stop.
Just stop.
That giraffe is never having a baby because it's not really a giraffe at all.
It's an android.
Andrew the Android Giraffe . . . who is not pregnant.
Seriously, people.
Go live your lives.
Trust me.
If April is a real giraffe that is truly pregnant, you'll see it on the Internet.
You can watch it over and over and over and over and over again.
You can watch it with as much catatonic fervor as you do now.
You can save it to your phone and show all your friends
(If you have any left post-giraffe-baby-watch).
There's no baby.
She's hefty.
He's really a male giraffe.
She's delusional.
All I ask of my addicted friends:
Please, for love of my sanity, let me know when it's finally over.
